Archive - Aug 10, 2011

Finally, Plus Other Bullshit

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Memo to Everyone Not Al Gore, Megyn Kelly, and Jon Bruning: YOU ARE DUMB.

That's twice in as many months. At the end of June, I added a non-idiot quote to ISTDT because it was such an important, amazing quote. Now, just a few weeks later, I'm doing the same thing. For the same reason. I mean the EXACT same reason as the first quote, only this quote is even better. And when I'm done with that, it's a couple of assholes who embody the true spirit of conservatism. IDIOTS AND ONE AWESOME DUDE SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"And so what do they do? They pay pseudo-scientists to pretend to be scientists to put out the message: 'This climate thing, it's nonsense. Man-made CO2 doesn't trap heat. It's not -- It may be volcanoes.' Bullshit! 'It may be sun spots.' Bullshit! 'It's not getting warmer.' Bullshit! There are about 10 other memes that are out there, and when you go and talk to any audience about climate, you hear them washing back at you the same crap, over and over and over again. They have polluted this shit. There is no longer shared reality on an issue like climate, even though the very existence of our civilization is threatened." - Al Motherfucking Gore, at an Aspen Institute forum.

Well, sing hallelujah and pass the popcorn. Maybe, as has been intimated, he didn't know it was being recorded. But Al Gore's not that stupid. He had to know this would get out. Now, this happened on Thursday. It was reported on Friday. As of Tuesday afternoon, the total number of news stories on it I could find on Google News? 35. Now, I know the Standard and Poor downgrade has been the bulk of the news since Friday, but still, you'd think there'd be at least some hand-wringing over Al Gore coarsening the public debate.

Maybe they're busy. Maybe they don't think swearing's a big deal. Or maybe, to report on what he said, they'd have to report what he said. And what he said is a powerful indictment of the entire power structure in America right now. We'll see how it shakes out.

"I want you to know that the United States is the only country in the advanced world that doesn’t require paid maternity leave. Now I happen to work for a nice employer that gave me paid leave. But the United States is the only advanced country that doesn’t require paid leave. If anything, the United States is in the dark ages when it comes to maternity leave." - Fox News' Megyn Kelly, expressing the most conservative idea of all.

And no, not "paid maternity leave". That's a feminist idea. That's a liberal idea. That's the idea that women shouldn't be punished in the workplace because of the demands of giving birth. That's exactly the kind of idea that Megyn Kelly would reject outright as hippie bullshit... except that she works and had a baby.

And that makes all the difference. Empathy. Conservatives can't put themselves in someone else's shoes. They have to buy their own shoes, walk in them for a while, and then, only then, do they realize that sometimes, people's feet hurt. Megyn Kelly thinks paid maternity leave is great because she got some and it was great. To her credit, at least her lack of empathy isn't matched by an abundance of hypocrisy on this one issue the way, say, Rick Perry is - Perry's the latest to bemoan government aid while getting farm subsidies, a la Batshit Bachmann.

"The raccoons figure out the beetles are in the bucket," Bruning says. "And it's like grapes in a jar. The raccoons, they're not stupid, they're going to do the easy way if we make it easy for them -- just like welfare recipients all across America. If we don't send them to work, they're going to take the easy way out." - Nebraska's Jon Bruning, who's running to replace Ben "Shittiest Democrat In The Universe" Nelson in 2012.

Conservatives can love help after they get it, they can hate help despite having gotten it, but woe betide any social service they haven't gotten, and that nobody they know gets. Because then it's just giving a bunch of delicious bugs to a bunch of lazy 'coons willing to take the easy way out. Bugs earned by hard-working politicians like Jim Bruning.

I'd like to see Jon Bruning take the easy way out for a month. Take a one month leave of absence from your cushy Attorney General job. Be lazy. Do nothing. Collect welfare. Live off it. Buy your food with the government food money. Find a place to live you can afford on the rent assistance. Spend your extra cash allowance on luxuries like a second-hand microwave and a color TV.

Then come back, and be a total hypocrite by telling everyone how awesome it was, because you don't have even the microscopic accidental integrity of a Megyn Kelly.