Archive - Jul 15, 2011

Whitman's Sampler Of Stupid

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Memo to Minnesota Republicans,Rupert Murdoch, and five very stupid Democrats: YOU ARE DUMB.

Still so much to cover in so little time, so let's get right to it. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

The Minnesota state shutdown is finally over, with Mark Dayton agreeing to what is essentially a Tim Pawlenty budget (accounting tricks and taking the tobacco settlement to one of those shady "GET YOUR MONEY NOW" settlement buyout companies) only with some road repairs and some state employee protections folded in. There probably wasn't a better deal to be had - Dayton's right about that. But the fact that there wasn't a better deal to be had should terrify the ever-loving fuck out of all of you.

Reagan raised taxes. Bush 41 raised taxes. Republicans used to raise taxes all the time. But the combination of Norquist pledges and vat-grown Young Republicans moving into positions of power at the state and national level means that anywhere you have Republicans in power, odds are you're dealing with an unreasoning horde that will bulldoze anything and everything to lower tax rates on the rich. The only reason the debt ceiling talks are going to lead to some kind of deal is because there's enough of the old guard left at the national level to make it happen. That won't last much longer.

If there is any joy to be had in the world of politics in the year 2011, it's in the Rupert Murdoch phone-hacking scandal. Apparently, in England, they actually take certain forms of corporate misbehavior seriously. especially when they interfere with a missing persons investigation and lead to parents mistakenly believing their child was still alive.

I don't care how jaded and cynical you are - if you don't have an ear-to-ear grin at the sight of that ancient, evil, kangaroo-fucker FINALLY twisting in the wind with no sign of a reprieve, there's something wrong with you. Not only is someone rich and powerful finally suffering some fucking consequences for abusing their power, it's not just someone rich and powerful, it's RUPERT MURDOCH. This feels too good to even call it schadenfreude.

Five Democrats voted in favor of the Better Use of Light Bulbs act, which thankfully did not pass because of a parliamentary maneuver that made it require a 2/3 majority in the house. The BULB act, and by the way, fuck these acronym names for laws right in the ear-hole, was an attempt to repeal the light bulb efficiency standards passed a few years back. In other words, the codified version of the "Obama's gonna take away the hundred watt, thereby turning this into COMMUNIST RUSSIA" idiotic shit-fit that embodies modern-day GOP ideological stupidity.

And apparently, to a lesser extent, Democratic ideological stupidity, in the form of Reps. Dan Boren (who's from Oklahoma, so I guess we have to grade him on a curve); Jerry Costello (Illinois, so he has no excuse); Jim Matheson (a Democrat in Utah, so clearly there's something fucked up going on in his head, his district, or both); Rep. Collin Peterson (from Minnesota, but represents the entire left half of the state, most of whom got their first light bulbs in the late 1970s); and Nick Rahall (West Virginia, where they need really bright, really inefficient light bulbs to make sure the relative they're fucking is a cousin and not a sister).

This light bulb is a clear, bright lit-mus test for your fundamental brainpower as a legislator. Your simple ability to separate what a law actually does from your blind hatred of a black president or misguided free-market ideology. If you oppose this law, you are fucked in the head, regardless of what party you claim to represent.