You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Feb 9, 2011
Memo to Sean Hannity, Steve King, and GOProud: YOU ARE DUMB.
America is the best. I know this because I'm told it's the best. Not only am I told it's the best, but there's actually an entire school of thought, with its own name, that's devoted entirely to saying it's the best. And if you don't subscribe to this school of thought, American exceptionalism, then you hate America. Just how awesome is America? Let's pretend we're finding out in these three vaguely related instances of IDIOTS SAYing THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"I say why isn’t Iraq paying us back with oil, and paying every American family and their soldiers that lost loved ones or have injured soldiers — and why didn’t they pay for their own liberation? For the Kuwait oil minister — how short his memory is. You know, we have every right to go in there and frankly take all their oil and make them pay for the liberation, as these sheiks, etcetera etcetera, you know were living in hotels in London and New York..." - Sean Hannity, doing his job.
America is so exceptional that countries we invade in order to free them from repressive dictators should shower cheap oil upon us in gratitude, and we're so much more exceptional than that, because if these countries don't meet our standards of gratitude, we'll go in there by force and take what we think we deserve.
Because that's what makes America exceptional. Our unswerving commitment to our ideals. And if that's not good enough for you to shower us with wealth, we'll shoot you in your stinking swarthy ungrateful heads. I mean, sure, I know Sean Hannity is just maintaining a certain base level (in every sense of the word) resentment towards the Middle East because left to their own devices, 30-40% of the Republicans in America might eventually forget they hate Muslims, but I wonder if he really thinks "oil for blood" is different from "blood for oil"?
"They can’t help themselves; it’s in their DNA. These people are Leftists. They don't see this country the way that we do. Their idea of American Exceptionalism is yet to come." Steve King, ASC, in an interview where he also explained that Democrats passed Obamacare because of their "irrational lust for socialized medicine".
I love Steve King. Who else could pull off a caricature this inept? First, you've got his awesome assertion that being liberal is genetic. Apparently being gay is a choice, but political orientation? That you're born with. Then there's his astonishing comment about good old American exceptionalism. Parsed in logical English, which I know isn't King's first language, but still, parse it out, and Steve King thinks America can never be better than it is right now. And thanks to teabagger reverence for the Founding Fathers, we know they think it hasn't gotten better since then.
So you have, basically, a consistent level of American awesomeness, with Republicans thwarting and repealing and cutting every attempt by the Genetic Liberal Mutant Hordes to make it worse. Social Security and Medicare were quality dips, but they're balanced out by ending slavery, which made America better even though actually having slaves didn't make it worse. And we know from the rhetoric that the social safety net is just like slavery anyway.
He's right about one thing. I don't see the country the same way he does. Because I'm not seeing it through a rose-colored fun-house kaleidoscope.
"I understand that Pawlenty is trying hard to get people to pay attention to his campaign. Its certainly a challenge for someone with such little stature in the conservative movement to compete with high profile conservative leaders like Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, etc. Unfortunately for Pawlenty, comments like this simply show how totally out-of-touch he is with the issues that rank and file conservatives care about. If he wants to show he is a committed social conservative he would be much better served talking about the need to defund Planned Parenthood, end federal funding for abortion, reign in an out of control judiciary and support for a parents rights amendment to protect home-schoolers." - GOProud, criticizing TIMMEH for wanting to defund the DADT repeal.
America is exceptional because we allow GOProud to go around, doing what it does, despite the fact that what it does is evidence of serious mental illness.
This statement is one of my all-time favorites. You've got the opening insult, in which stereotypical gay snark fights stereotypical conservative unfunniness to a bloody, sweaty draw. And then it goes into the main point, which appears to be "take your repressed Christian moralizing out on EVERYONE EXCEPT US, PLEASE.
I mean, abortion? Really? I'd be hard-pressed to think of a political organization less affected by unwanted pregnancy than GOProud, especially since I've never, ever seen a statement from GOProud that wasn't from a man. And homeschooling? I can't think of a more fertile petri dish in which to grow the attitudes that lead to homophobia than homeschool. And who, exactly, is this out-of-control judiciary ruling in favor of?
Don't get me wrong. It's always fun to hear someone insult TIMMEH, no matter how ineffectually. But if GOProud thinks they can pick and choose from the great intolerance picnic basket that is social conservatism, then they're as deluded as... well, as a gay Republican.