Archive - Dec 2011

Date

December 16th

Why Things Suck, Part 8,250

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Memo to us, us, and us: WE'RE FUCKED SOME MORE.

I talk a pretty good game here at You Are Dumb Dot Net. I'm sure, from your perspective, I seem nigh-omniscient*, with a keen grasp on the issues* and a limitless capability to simplify complex politics* and aso work in one or more references to the taint.

But even I admit there are some issues where the full breadth of what, exactly, the fuck is going on eludes me, and all I'm left with is a vague sense that we're being fucked even harder than we were a couple of weeks ago, A vague sort of exploration of a few of those topics is, of course, the subject of this week's SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

Case in point - indefinite detentions. I've been under the impression for the past, oh, most of a decade or so, is that the blatantly unconstitutional unlimited detentions that Bush started, and that Obama has cheerily continued and expanded upon, have been permitted to go on by the courts because they're a vague, secretive set of actions undertaken by the executive branch as part of a gradual creep of executive power over the years. Which is shitty, but with the Supreme Court the way it is right now, not particularly unsurprising.

But Congress just codified and passed indefinite military detention into law, as part of the Defense Appropriations Act. And Obama's going to sign it, in part because he really does like locking people up for years and years without a trial, and in part because he knows he's got a lot of evil he can do while still being the lesser of two evils in 2012. Thanks, crazy-ass GOP nominees!

But my question is, how can this possibly pass constitutional muster in the courts as a law? Well, OK. Scalia and Thomas and a generally degenerating attitude towards civil rights amongst the general public. So I guess my question is, how can this not be seen as a complete betrayal of the system of American justice that's held sway for nearly 250 years? Well, OK, American Idol and the trial of MIchael Jackson's doctor and a generally degenerating attitudes towards civil rights amongst the general public. So I guess my question is, who's gonna get stuck pasting the word "alleged" in front of the phrase "checks and balances" in all the civics textbooks?


I don't understand the MF Global thing. I mean, I know a shitload of money went missing, I know nobody knows where it is, I know that money that was supposed to be safe for the bank's customers ended up being used for risky investments without their permission, and I know nobody's going to jail, least of all ostensible Democrat and former governor Jim Corzine, who was at the helm of MF Global when it all went down.

I mean, I suppose it makes a certain amount of sense if you assume that we learned nothing from the 2008 crash, that of the two major legislative acts intended to correct the over-reach and lawlessness in the financial center, one of them (Dodd-Frank) was watered down to the point of near-uselessness, and the other (the Consumer Finance Protection Agency) has been held up for over a year now because Obama can't find someone to run it who will meet the Republican's qualifications of someone who won't actually use the agency to oversee anything, regulate anyone, or protect anybody.

It just seems like I should know more about it than that. But the finance world is a daunting morass of collective shared delusion even when it's working like it's supposed to, so I'm loathe to delve deeper.


I actually do understand completely that Joe Arpaio is fucked. At the risk of letting you too deeply into my process, I actually had three things picked out that fit the theme for today, and have spent the better part of an hour trying, Rick Perry style, to remember what the ever-loving fuck the third one was. So let's just make fun of America's Worst Sheriff for a while instead.

It's bad enough that, a couple of weeks ago, it was revealed that Arpaio had botched hundreds of sexual abuse cases, many involving undocumented immigrants, children, or both. I mean, I knew Arpaio wasn't doing his fucking job, and just used his position as an excuse to pal around with Steven Seagal in tanks and hobnob with the anchors of Fox News, but it turns out he was actually supposed to be running a law enforcement office and solving crimes at the same time, and nobody else was picking up the slack.

But it gets better. Yesterday, the Department of Justice completed it's lengthy investigation into whether Joe Arpaio, and consequently his entire department, was a racist taintstain who spent most of their time harassing brown people. And the answer was a resounding YES. Thus legally vindicating the opinions of any non-racist, non-taintstain who listened to Arpaio speak for five minutes and came to the same damn conclusion.

Of course, this is America, where you can diaper-fuck a hooker** and still hold national office, so it'll be interesting to see if Arpaio can survive the Justice Department reaming him out and Homeland Security taking away all his immigrant-fighting money. At least if he does survive, this section of the column will retroactively fit the theme, because there's no way in hell I'll be able to understand THAT outcome.

*Shut up.

**All these years later, and we never have found out definitively whether it was Vitter or the hooker who was wearing the diapers. Just another reason to be disappointed by American journalism.