You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Oct 20, 2011
Memo to Keith Ablow: DUDE, I'M ALMOST WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
Almost. See, Keith Ablow has the same irrational, panicked reaction to certain hot-button cultural issues that I have to discovering a spider crawling on my leg. There's no rational thought about the place of arachnids in the ecosystem. All there is is GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF.
And it's not fun going through life like that. So, under certain circumstances, I might feel sympathy for Keith Ablow. He can't help the way he reacts to certain stimuli. He'd have to work hard to change it. But he hasn't even tried. Instead, he pretends to be a medical expert, has a cushy gig on Fox News' "Medical A-Team", and gets paid to scream in terror at gay and especially transgendered people.
You may remember Ablow from earlier this year, when he advised Maria Schriver to lie back and accept Ahnuld's love child because marriage is so important. He was also part of our great national freakout that one time J. Crew put a picture of a mother painting her son's toenails with pink polish in its catalog. Clearly, this is a dude who manscapes his hair-trigger, if you know what I mean.
Nowhere was this more evident than when Chaz Bono went on "Dancing With The Stars", one of those minor cultural events that was significant only because it shouldn't have been significant. Man on reality show used to be a woman! We've had transfolks and reality shows long enough now that they really should have intersected a lot sooner. But it finally happened, and when it did, Keith Ablow completely lost his shit. ACTUAL SHIT-LOSING TIME!
"Human beings have their behavior kindled. They model their behavior on others. And listen, if we had somebody who couldn’t walk on Dancing With The Stars, I’d applaud unless you told me, 'Hey, by the way, do you know he cut off his own legs?' Then I’m not applauding! The emperor has no clothes. Chaz Bono is not a man! Alan, Chaz Bono is not a man!
Again, this is the kind of thing where, if you heard someone in line at the grocery store saying it, their voice rising in hysteria at the thought of surgical gender reassignment, I'd back away slowly and hope they got the psychological help they so desperately needed. If, however, they say shit like that for money, and keep getting invited back by Roger Ailes and company to keep addressing transgender issues? Well, then, fuck that guy.
I don't know what causes his severe phobia. I suspect it's the fact that he grew up with the last name "Ablow", and has a head that looks like a cross between Lex Luthor and a penis. That, and/or SOMEONE spends a lot of time at home whacking off to "chicks with dicks" porn. But I don't care about the root of his sickness, because he's pimping his sickness to the highest bidder in the world of bigot-pandering and saying shit like this:
"We wouldn’t invite people with anorexia to go on fashion shows and talk about how wonderful they feel now that they’re thinner... this is an exact parallel. Take the heroin dependent people, put them on TV with their drug paraphernalia and have them speak about how happy they are."
That's the kind of utterly hateful bullshit you'd expect to hear from, say, Pat Buchanan over at MSNBC. It's a hell of a lot worse than what Hank Williams Jr. said, or what Don Imus said. Yet about a month later, there was Keith Ablow on Fox News, fulfilling his Mad Dog Murdoch role on the Fox Medical A-Team and commenting on another transgender case - one where the lesbian parents of a possibly transgendered child are using hormone therapy under a doctor's care to delay puberty while the kid works through her gender identity issues. Or, as Keith Ablow puts it, CRAZY LESBIANS ARE FORCING A BOY TO BE A GIRL.
"Here’s what I think. First of all, I think we should remind ourselves from the outset: we’re not looking to bully anyone. I’m reminded of the words of Abraham Lincoln, 'With malice toward none.' But now is the time, Martha, when we have to understand this issue, what’s happening here. We have two women raising a child — he’s adopted — and he’s come to believe that he, too, is female. That argues for a complete psychological evaluation, not just of the boy, but of his parents as well, to see whether psychological forces are at play here to make him say such things."
Yes, you're reminded of "with malice toward none" right before going on a huge, and yes, bullying, trans-phobic rant. I guess it's kind of like how I'm reminded of how MLK had a dream every time I see a Tea Party rally. I'm sure Dr. Mengele was "reminded" of Hippocrates from time to time, too.