Archive - Sep 2010

September 22nd

Brought To You By Hemoglobin And The Letters I, N, and G

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Memo to Ging, Ging, and King: YOU ARE DUMB. AND OBSESSED.

To paraphrase a wise sock: Fake drama, you scare me like the real thing, but if you were the real thing, you'd scare me more. Pouring on the fake drama in recent weeks were two Gings and a King, all three of them talking, in one way or another, about the power of blood. It's all very creepy, and it's all part of this week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"I had somebody say you know a Contract with America is a little redundant, going back to 1994. And I had somebody suggest at a town hall meeting recently maybe it ought to be a “Covenant with America.” Just as God’s covenant with Moses, really this is a covenant. This is more of a commitment, more than a contract. This is a pledge of your sworn sacred honor. And maybe that’s the kind of thing that we need to get, to truly get attention and sign it in blood if necessary. So we think it would be not be appropriate at a time like this to raise people’s taxes, at any level. At any level." - Georgia Rep. Phil Gingrey.

I can't believe I miss the 90s. When the Contract With America was just a pack of bullshit promises, and all we had to do to believe that there wouldn't be any new taxes was to read someone's lips. Now, apparently, we have to sign some sort of covenant in blood with Moses? Does that work, theologically? And all to keep Republicans from raising taxes? While you're at it, why not put "have lots of secret gay affairs" and "blow up brown people" on that covenant and unnecessarily reinforce all the natural Republican behaviors while you're at it?

"We must not blink. If the House says no, it’s no. They will leave us if we go wobbly,” he said. “I am worried about that, but that’s why I think it’s got to be a blood oath." - America's Stupidest Congresscritter, Steve King, again with the blood.

I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that signing a covenant in blood, then making an oath in blood, is the surest way to guarantee you'll go all wobbly. I suppose we could have cookies and orange juice after every legislative session, and make sure Congress doesn't pass more than a pint of laws every two months, or something.

Also, if the teabaggers are crazy enough to abandon you just because you break some of your promises, maybe you shouldn't be encouraging them. You don't want to end up with the mother of all enthusiasm gaps two years from now. But since the Tea Party are all die-hard Republicans, that won't be a problem. At most, you might lose 80% of the people who own their own fife and drum. You can handle those losses.

"What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]? That is the most accurate, predictive model for his behavior. This is a person who is fundamentally out of touch with how the world works, who happened to have played a wonderful con, as a result of which he is now president." - Newt Gingrich, in the National Review, who is responsible for those awkward bracketed paraphrasings.

Newt got a lot of shit, and deservedly so, for saying this. Since I see no evidence of tar, feathers, or an exit via rail, he didn't get nearly enough. Gingrich was engaging in a little "pas de deux", or "two-man circle jerk" with Dinesh D'Souza, who is fucking bonkers. Seriously, I'm pretty sure the DSM-IV uses "agreeing with Dinesh D'Souza" and "citing Dinesh D'Souza" as markers for two different stages of psychosis.

What cracks me up about this is that when you condemn Kenyan anti-colonial behavior, that means you are now on the record as supporting the British colonization of Africa. Which may well be fine by Newt. He probably thinks they were doing an OK job of civilizing the savages until they got thrown out. It's only OK to oppose British colonialism if you exterminate the savages first.

I mean, sure, go ahead and slam Gingrich for blowing D'Souza's proto-birther dog whistle, as it were. Certainly we don't need any more right-wing analysis of what dark traits Obama may have gotten from his father. But could we maybe spend a little time on his apparent fondness of the good old days of the 19th century? For fuck's sake, the man's making Trent Lott's birthday salute to Strom Thurmond seem practically post-modern.