Archive - Sep 8, 2010

Lamentably, In The Negative

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Memo to Russell Taylor, Morrissey, and Terry Jones: STILL BIGOTS.

Bigotry is horrible, but bigotry can also be funny. Mainly when a bigot is caught white-handed, and has to explain to a skeptical world how their bigotry really isn't bigoted. To which we are forced to respond: sadly... wait. That's those other guys. We just respond by pointing out every week that IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"It is the belief of the current administration that these procedures were implemented to help ensure minority representation and involvement in the student body," - Nettleton, Mississippi superintendent Russell Taylor, announcing the end of those procedures.

It is the belief of your current author that Russell Taylor is full of shit. You see, the procedures he mentions were the restrictions on Nettleton Middle School class officers. The racial restrictions. And not some kind of coded, Southern Strategy racial restrictions, no. They spelled it out in, well, the two colors you'd expect them to spell it out with. Class presidents had to be white. The eighth grade VP got to be black, but not the seventh or sixth grade VP's. Black students could be secretary-treasurer in the 7th grade only, or "reporter" in the sixth and eighth grades.

Presumably, Taylor's argument is that without these clear requirements, the Junior Pigfuckers League of Nettleton would simply vote in all-white student councils year after year. But the clear and blatant restriction of class president to white students only puts the lie to Taylor's excuse. Unfortunately, nay!

"Did you see the thing on the news about their treatment of animals and animal welfare? Absolutely horrific. You can't help but feel that the Chinese are a subspecies... If anyone has seen the horrific and unwatchable footage of the Chinese cat and dog trade - animals skinned alive - then they could not possibly argue in favour of China as a caring nation. There are no animal protection laws in China and this results in the worst animal abuse and cruelty on the planet. It is indefensible." - Morrissey, to the Guardian Weekend.

Mopily, wrong! The part before the ellipses is the racist bit, the part after the ellipses is when Morrissey tried to get away with it. But since I am neither in a coma nor on fire, I'm not buying it. The word "subspecies" is blatantly racial, and no, it's not actually OK to make blatant genetic pronouncements on an entire people because of their government's policies. I don't need to argue that China is a caring nation, I just need to argue that their policies and behavior don't actually make them inhuman, no matter how many decades you've been feeding at PETA's trough.

"Moderate Muslims should be on our side. - Terry "Again, Not The Funny One" Jones, pastor of Dove World Outreach Church.

Dejectedly, YOU'RE FUCKING SHITTING ME, RIGHT?! What Terry Jones thinks moderate Muslims should be supporting is his plan to burn a bunch of Korans on 9/11. I don't know what he thinks a "moderate Muslim" is, but here's a hint. It's not a dark-skinned, bearded Christian convert. Moderate Muslims still have their own magic book of fairy stories, and they don't like you setting it on fire any more than you'd like someone setting Bibles on fire because of the actions of, say, a radical minority sect of Christians who thought it'd be a good idea to set Korans on fire.

Jones, by the way, is going through with this even after the sainted, infallible Dave Petraeus dropped the "hurting the troops" bomb on him, which is the sign of a true fanatic. And man, was it weird to see that tactic used on someone other than an anti-war leftist for a change? This Koran-burning is almost as dangerous as... an exit timetable.