Archive - May 5, 2010

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Memo to Bryan Fischer, Steve King, and Tom Emmer: YOU ARE DUMB.

Over the years, here at You Are Dumb Dot Net, I have come to appreciate the consistently and reliably stupid. People and organizations who can be counted on, week in and week out, to bring the dumb. But they have their drawbacks. For example, there are only so many childish variations on their names you can make before you repeat yourself. Which is why it's always lovely to see a new challenger enter the Morondome. One makes their debut today as an IDIOT who SAID THE DAMNDEST THING!

"Many Muslims are on our shores on student visas and such and have not yet become citizens. We must politely decline their request for naturalization (becoming an American citizen is a privilege, not a right) and use the money we would otherwise spend on their welfare, their education, their medical care and their incarceration to graciously assist them in returning to their countries of origin Those who are willing to convert to Christianity and renounce Islam, Allah, Mohammed and the Koran may be welcomed, for they can become not just good Christians but true Americans. - American Family Association's Bryan Fischer, explaining his previous comment that we should deport all Muslims.

This is actually an escalation of idiocy for Fischer, who appeared in this space six months ago and earned the name "Fischer Nuts" for asserting that because of the Fort Hood shooting, we should expel all Muslims from the military. Now he wants to purge all Muslims from the country, unless they become "real Americans" by converting to Christianity.

Now, psychotic religious bigotry is to the AFA what the ocean is to fish... well, OK, some of the ocean, these days. The point is, it's the environment they thrive in. They feed off racist hick plankton. Screeds like this bring in the money from the xenophobes. But let's not allow the past decade spent mainstreaming this kind of talk inure us to just how completely fucking despicable and reprehensible it is. The list of things Bryan Fischer would have to renounce to be welcomed to my America is too long to list here, but since the first one on the list, utter dickheadery, is clearly beyond his reach, he may as well not even bother with the rest. Deport his ass to where he came from - there's a hole in the earth spewing thick black goo that could do with some plugging.

Well, it looks like the case is that, that he’s trying to scare the businesses out of Arizona, or he’s trying to get the businesses to change their position and press the legislature to reverse the law that was just signed by the governor the other day. I’m wondering if we look at the map of Congressman Grijalva’s congressional district if we haven’t already ceded that component of Arizona to Mexico judging by the voice that comes out of him, he’s advocating for Mexico rather than the United States and against the rule of law, which is one of the central pillars of American exceptionalism. - Steve King, America's Stupidest Congressman, defending the ridiculous Arizona immigration law by calling one of its opponents a traitor.

I haven't talked about how stupid Arizona's immigration law is, because the entire rest of the rational universe has been covering it quite nicely. But just because I haven't typed it doesn't mean I don't think it's one of the most egregious, thick-headed, and blatantly racist examples of authoritarian bullshit the right-wing has come up with since Dubya left office. Call me when the second blond, blue-eyed Arizonan is pulled over on suspicion of being an illegal Swedish immigrant. The first one will be a publicity stunt.

And I'm not sure what the pillars of American exceptionalism are, but I'm pretty fucking sure that if following every law passed, no matter how stupid, were one of them, we wouldn't even bother with a court system that can check and balance the legislature. He's not advocating against the rule of law, he's advocating against THE LAW. Advocating against the rule of law would be like saying, sure, it's a law, but he's not gonna follow it because he doesn't have to. In some kind of statement. Maybe one he signs.

"[We're going to] put Minnesota back on the road to prosperity. We're going to take back this state and start to run things the way we expect. it's time to take back this state from the career bureaucrats....take it back from government and give it back to the people." - Tom Emmer, the likely GOP candidate for Minnesota governor.

Ah, spring. A time of renewal. The lilacs are blooming, the birds are singing, and another stupid, stupid motherfucker wants to be Minnesota's governor. Yes, it's Tom Emmer, who's previous claim to fame was as the name actors in crowd scenes would say over and over to make it seem like they were talking. This latest pretender is a vat-grown product of the Center for the American Experiment*, by all accounts. His speech would be standard boilerplate for any candidate, were it not for the fact that the office he's hoping to occupy is being vacated by Timmeh, the Weathervane Republican.

Timmeh's being blown by the teabaggers right now in his laughable attempt to be President, and while I appreciate Emmer admitting that Pawlenty took us off the road to prosperity, took government away from the people, and wasn't running things the way we expect, if he thinks we're all stupid enough to think he won't be Pawlenty squared, he's been spending way too much time in Michele Bachmann's district. Should be a fun campaign, though. Well, fun for me. Especially if he loses.

*The worst of all the non-Jamie-Kennedy experiments.