Archive - May 13, 2010

Pretenders To The Throne

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Memo to Pat Bertroche, Ron Kirkland, and Steve King: YOU ARE DUMB.

Iowa's Steve King. The stupidest man in Congress. That's a tough place to be in, because the competition is so fierce. Not only are there more than 500 other congresscritters vying to be dumber than you are every single day, but every two years, there are a bunch of upstart whippersnappers trying to get elected so that they can take a shot at your throne. But it's not that easy, as we will shortly see in a special Thursday edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"I think we should catch ’em, we should document ’em, make sure we know where they are and where they are going. I actually support micro-chipping them. I can micro-chip my dog so I can find it. Why can’t I micro-chip an illegal? That’s not a popular thing to say, but it’s a lot cheaper than building a fence they can tunnel under." - Iowa congressional candidate Pat Bertroche, at a Republican forum.

"I don't support microchipping anybody and it also didn't occur to me I was comparing dogs to illegal immigrants." - Iowa congressional candidate Pat Bertroche, after people found out what he said at a Republican forum.

Apparently, Pat Bertroche uses "actually" the same way a lot of people use "literally" - as the exact fucking opposite of what the word means. I mean, not only did he say he actually supports it, but he went on to say how unpopular a view it was. Then he found out how unpopular a view it was, and pretended like he was only saying it to demonstrate how polarized the discourse has become. Which is true, if you ignore the word "only".

But the best part is, this asshole is a doctor. A physician doctor. And he doesn't know that the chips they put in dogs aren't so you can find them. They aren't GPS trackers. They're just so that you can identify them when you DO find them. And I presume he's angling for the votes of rabid fundamentalists, who have been spouting biblical conspiracy theories for years that implanted RFID chips are actually the Mark of the Beast. All in all, a very impressive showing of shameful stupidity from such a rank amateur.

"I can tell you if there were any homosexuals in that group, they were taken care of in ways I can't describe to you." - Tennessee congressional candidate Ron Kirkland, using his Vietnam experiences to illuminate the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" debate.

Really, asshole? Are you sure you can't describe those ways to me? I guess I'll have to take your word for it, since I don't know what the statute of limitations are on assault, kidnapping, torture, attempted murder, rape, or actual murder - some or all of which you're implying with the ominous use of "taken care of".

In other words, Kirkland's argument is that we shouldn't repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", or allow gays to serve in the military, because homophobic Tennessee shitkickers will do unspeakable things to them. And that there's nothing at all wrong with that. I mean, you can't blame soldiers for being unable to control their impulses out of the terror that a gay dude in the shower with them might not be able to control his impulses, right?

Kirkland makes a very good attempt at blaming gay victims here. I'd give him an eight out of ten on the unspeakably-vile-o-meter. But remember, he's trying to unseat Steve King, who has over the years forced us to add numbers eleven through fifteen out of ten to that same meter. And here he is, showing us what a solid thirteen sounds like.

"And that's at the basis of this. So if people wear their sexuality on their sleeve and then they want to bring litigation against someone that they would point their finger at and say, 'You discriminate.' I can imagine someone coming in and interviewing one day in man's clothes and come back the next day and apply for a job in woman's clothes and then setting up a lawsuit in a sting operation that could harass especially our religious organizations, but anybody, anybody that's operating in a responsible fashion." - Steve King, showing them how it's done.

King is discussing the pitfalls of the Employee Non-Discrimination Act, which would extend workplace protections to cover sexual preference or gender identity. Which would be a bad thing because all the people who love discriminating based on sexual orientation and gender identity vote for morons like Steve King.

He starts by pointing out that the only way people even know to discriminate against homosexuals is by those damn gays being out of the closet in the first place. See? All you have to do is not wear your sexuality on your sleeve. You know, by doing any one of the hundreds of things straight co-workers do every single day to tip you off that they're hetero.

The less said about King's paranoid tinfoil-hat fever dream about transvestite sting operations, the better. But I will point out that Steve King thinks not hiring a man because he wears a dress to a job interview is "operating in a responsible fashion". By this reasoning, other things King must consider "operating in a responsible fashion" include BP's offshore oil drilling, school segregation, and Steve King's entire political career.

Steve King. He's the best he is at what he does. And what he does ain't pretty.