Archive - Apr 7, 2010

Left, Behind

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Memo to Democrats: STOP SAYING STUPID SHIT.

Look. I have a clear remit on this site, and an audience with certain...political expectations. There isn't a single un-ironic Glenn Beck viewer in the entire readership, as far as I know. And while I would hope that they are all bitter cynics like me, who think only marginally better of you donkeys than your elephantine counterparts, it's still completely fucking disheartening to pore through the backlog of stupid quotes, and come to the realization that three Democrats are this week's IDIOTS who SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"Anime is a prime example of why two nukes just wasn't enough." - Nick Levasseur, New Hampshire state representative and Democrat, on his Facebook page.

Levasseur has since apologized for being a dick, even though he mentioned that the comments were on the "private" part of his Facebook page. But apart from the general-purpose stupidity of politicians putting stupid things on the Internet and then being shocked, SHOCKED that people found out about it, why the hell is someone from New Hampshire taking shots at the Japanese over anime?

I know New Hampshire has cable. And they must have Internet, since Levasseur is able to get onto Facebook. I also know that last time I checked, it wasn't 1994. Which means it should be obvious to anyone with the slightest clue that "anime" is barely even a thing unto itself anymore. It certainly isn't the stereotype Levasseur is implying - the old saw about loveless nerds beating off furiously to fan-subbed VHD copies of Nazi tentacle rape movies. I mean, you can buy Ponyo on Blu-Ray at Wal-Mart, and kids that grew up on Americanized anime are now old enough to vote you out of office. Could there be a more tired, sorry, left-wing cultural condescension out there?

"Children will be children. But as adults, we need to be on record and tell them they're doing something wrong... You can raise your level of respect if you raise your pants." - Eric Adams, New York state senator and Democrat, in interviews and a video about his new "Stop The Sag" initiative.

Of course there can be. Oh, the kids today with their baggy pants and you can see their underwears and the cracks of their butts when they hula hoop while puffing the wacky tobaccy and listening to those dangerous rap artists or that Marilyn Manson feller. I expect this kind of whippersnappism from the GOP - their target demographic skews older than CBS's and their last presidential candidate was just Andy Rooney with less charisma.

But again, aren't we in like year fucking thirteen of the saggy pants epidemic? Hold on, let me find the date on that Denis Leary routine where he sounded like a cranky old man yelling "PULL UP YOUR PANTS" at the youth of today. Yeah, there it is. Off of "Lock And Load", released in 1997. I'm sorry, Senator Adams, but I'm afraid you've lost the baggy pants battle. Perhaps you should channel that youth outrage into something slightly more topical? With just a couple of minor alterations, all your "STOP THE SAG" posters could be transformed into "STOP THE GAGA". You'd still be too late, but by only a year or two instead of a decade and a half. Just a suggestion.

"I think that it is a very silly comment to make. I think Michael Steele's problem isn't the race card, it's the credit card." - White House secretary Robert Gibbs, on the RNC Chairman's lesbian bondage problem.

OK, I freely admit that I laughed my ass off when the RNC got busted reimbursing a bunch of "Young Eagles" nearly three grand for their trip to a lesbian bondage strip club. Why did I laugh? Because it's fucking hilarious, that's why. And I also freely admit that I rolled my eyes when Michael Steele suddenly remembered how much fun it was to be a black man who had a bunch of white Republicans pissed off at him, given his past statements about Democrats playing the race card.

But when Steele went on Good Morning America and said that in general, a black man who makes it to a position of power gets fewer slip-ups than a white man before seeing the consequences, for what may be the first time in Michael Steele's life, he was right. Oh, sure, in this specific case I'm pretty sure any Republican caught supporting topless simulated lesbian bondage would be in deep shit. And sure, in this specific case Steele is non-stop parade of hilarious incompetence. But all Gibbs did was undermine an idea Democrats ostensibly believe in (the continuing racial inequality) to throw a mediocre zinger at someone who is perfectly capable of self-destruction. Be better, dammit.