Archive - Jun 8, 2009

Falling Blockheads

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Memo to Jim Brogan and Doug Powers: FUCK YOU, MORONS.

I'm going to state right off the bat that I have no idea who the fuck Jim Brogan is. All I can tell is that he has a byline on a website called "The Post Chronicle", and I have no idea what the fuck the Post Chronicle is. As best as I can tell, it's a wingnut site made up to look like a bad newspaper site, I presume it's a wingnut site because nobody else would have a black "Never Forget" 9/11 graphic in one corner. Their "About" page says they present original and syndicated news content "using the most simplistic technology available today", and I can only assume that simplistic technology includes Jim Brogan.

Anyway, the aforementioned Mr. Brogan wrote an article, the headline of which immediately caught my eye. "Google D-Day 2009 Snub: Company Honors Tetris Instead". The main thrust of the article is that Google hates the troops, because on June 6, the 65th anniversary of D-Day, Google used its custom logo thingy to instead honor the 25th anniversary of "Tetris", a mere video game. To back up his point, Brogan cites, of all people, Michelle Fucking Malkin. Only the link allegedly to Malkin's article instead goes to a different conservative blogger, Doug Powers of Hot Air, so if Malkin said anything about this, we'll never know*.

You know what? Fuck Jim Brogan, fuck Doug Powers, and fuck D-Day. I'm sick and tired of the hierarchy of hagiography, where anything that happens during a war counts more than anything that happens in peacetime, and anything that happened during World War II counts more than anything that happened in any other war. Yes, D-Day was big. Yes, D-Day was important. But there are only 365 days a year for the anniversaries of important shit to happen on, and it's not like D-Day is hurting for honors.

This year, D-Day got the president giving a speech. D-Day also gets a big solemn event at least every ten years, and has gotten mentioned and remembered every single one of the 65 years since it happened. It's been immortalized in countless books, movies, TV shows, and video games. Anyone who served at Normandy has gotten plenty of appreciation since then, and frankly, I doubt any of them need these two assholes to feel slighted on their behalf.

There are plenty of reasons for Google to honor Tetris. First and foremost being that Tetris is really, really fucking important. I'd argue that Tetris is as important to the world of video games as the invasion of Normandy was to the world of warfare. It is the king and progenitor of puzzle games, and the world would be a darker place without it. Second, Google? Bunch of fucking nerds. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Google are good nerds, and expecting them to ignore the 25th anniversary of Tetris is completely ridiculous.

And honestly, I don't know why conservatives, who normally don't miss an opportunity to rub one out on Reagan's corpse, aren't more beloved of Tetris. I mean, what is Tetris if not the embodiment of burgeoning entrepreneurship and capitalism in the Cold War Soviet Union? You'd think they'd be claiming Alexey Pajitnov as their standard bearer (whether he wants to be or not, you know, like they claim MLK as a conservative too). But no. They've got to try and stir some shit, presumably because they see Google as part of the left-wing secular humanist conspiracy. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Google took some heat last year for ignoring D-Day, and with this Tetris thing it’s obvious that they’re just rubbing it in now. What’ll be the special logo on next year’s D-Day anniversary? Maybe Frogger." - Doug "Not Michelle Malkin" Powers.

Or not, halfwit. Google does logos based on the day. For them to honor Frogger on D-Day, first they would have to know Frogger's release date, which is impossible, since it was an 80's arcade game and they didn't have release dates. Second, no matter what the release date of Frogger was, 2010 would be the 29th anniversary, which isn't a nice round number like 25 or 65, so nobody would give a fuck. And third, Frogger isn't Tetris. And fourth, Google didn't catch any heat last year, unless you count one post at Little Green Footballs "heat", which I bet you do.

Well, I'm glad Google recognized the 25th anniversary of Tetris, because if they didn't, who would? President Obama wasn't gonna fly to Russia and give a speech from Pajitnov's house. Cable news ignored it. And for me and all you other veterans of 80's video gaming, who still wake up in a cold sweat from vaguely remembered nightmares of blocks falling faster and faster while Russian folk music plays, it's nice to know someone out there still cares.

*Because finding out would mean going directly to Malkin's site and looking, and I don't enjoy this gig that much, frankly.