Archive - Apr 8, 2009

If She Keeps Talking, I'll Keep Typing

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Memo to Michelle Bachmann and friends: STILL DUMB.

Yes, it's once again for the weekly ritual. And until I go ahead and actually get around to renaming the Wednesday Ritual "Bachmann Holy Shit Day Plus Some Other Dudes", we'll stick with tradition, and once again point out that IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"And the real concerns is that there are provisions for what I would call re-education camps for young people, where young people have to go and get trained in a philosophy that the government puts forward and then they have to go to work in some of these politically correct forums." - Michelle Bachmann, Saturday, on the Sue Jeffers radio show.

Michelle Bachmann wouldn't know a re-education camp if she was stuck in one for four years and they handed her a piece of paper at the end marked "Liberty University". She's never been in an EDUCATION camp, so maybe she should try some education before she starts complaining about it. Needless to say, the "re-education camps" don't exist, they're just the fevered imagination of people who heard third-hand about Obama's public service initiative and also think the public schools will turn you gay. But we can't fully map Bachmann's psychosis without tracking all the data points, so here's one more.

"These are the strongest standards in the country now. The language adapted requires students to have critical thinking about all of science, including evolution, and it urges them to look at all sides of the issue." - Casey Luskin, an attorney for the Discovery Institute.

OK, if Carey Luskin is happy, someone fucked up. WHO FUCKED UP? Oh, Texas. Texas fucked up. What were the odds? Anyway, Texas had another round of setting standards for education, and the fuckhead patrol managed to work out a "compromise" which inserted some of that friendly-sounding language people accept when teaching evolution and wouldn't dream of when teaching arithmetic. Personally, I don't understand why the Discovery Institute doesn't push for the teaching of the "strengths and weaknesses" of arithmetic, since one of the weaknesses of arithmetic is that it helps you figure out that the Earth isn't six thousand fucking years old.

"If I’m corrupt, it’s because I take care of my district. My job as a member of Congress is to make sure that we take care of what we see is necessary. Not the bureaucrats who are unelected over there in whatever White House, whether it’s Republican or Democrat. Those bureaucrats would like to control everything. Every president would like to have all the power and not have Congress change anything. But we’re closest to the people." - Democratic Rep. John Murtha.

No, asshole. If you're corrupt, it's because you take care of your district by doing illegal shit. Your job as a member of Congress isn't just to act as an empty funnel for cash to your constituents. Your job is to pass laws that benefit both your constituents and the country as a whole in a way that is legal and ethical. So, are those unelected bureaucrats you're worried about, or just public servants looking into your dealings? "If" you're corrupt, fuck off with the rest of them. We've got plenty of surplus Democrats in the House of Representatives.

"If Obama can tell GM and Chrysler that their participation in NASCAR is an 'unnecessary expenditure,' isn't having public schools force students to follow Muslim rituals, recite Islamic prayers and plan 'jihads' also an 'unnecessary expenditure'? Are all those school condom purchases considered 'necessary expenditures'? - Ann Coulter's column, April 1, 2009.

Normally, I don't include stupid shit Ann Coulter says in You Are Dumb, because Ann Coulter gets paid to say stupid shit. But this is different. As you may have guessed from my deliberate mention of the date of Ms. Coulter's missive, the only thing in this paragraph that actually happens is condom purchases. The jihad-planning is one of those stupid things she gets paid to say, and the Obama-NASCAR thing is... an April Fools joke published on Car and Driver's website that Ann Coulter fell for because she is an idiot who can't read a calendar. Ann, the Internet tells you lies, because it thinks that's funny. You would think, as someone who earns her living telling lies she thinks are funny on the Internet, you would know that. Then again, self-awareness is just a subset of awareness.