You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Apr 2009
Memo to Virginia Foxx: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know what phrase I need to ban from my arsenal? "I shouldn't be surprised, but I am." I hate using it even when it's true, because, well, it's true. I shouldn't be surprised. The world is full of fuckers. Top to bottom, left to right, fuckers as far as they eye can see. And fuckers, being fuckers, will say unconscionable things on a regular basis. They either can't help it, or they revel in it, or they don't know it's unconscionable because they're fucking sociopaths who have no conscience.
The worst part is, is that there clearly are still limits on what is acceptable public discourse. But those limits aren't set in stone. They're not even set in wet sand. They're faint air currents, capricious and whimsical, and you never know when something will fall on the "who gives a shit" side of the line and when it'll land on "two weeks of outrage".
In a more just and sane world, what North Carolina congresswoman Virginia Foxx said would be so out of bounds that she wouldn't have even dared say it, because of the censure she'd deservedly get for doing so. And if she did let it slip, then she'd be ostracized by her colleagues, vilified by the press, and would, as the saying goes, never work in this town again. But this is neither a just nor sane world, and as a result, it is with deep-seated disgust that I present to you what may be the single most cuntastic ACTUAL QUOTE TIME in the history of You Are Dumb Dot Net.
"I also would like to point out that there was a bill -- the hate crimes bill that's called the Matthew Shepard bill is named after a very unfortunate incident that happened where a young man was killed, but we know that that young man was killed in the commitment of a robbery. It wasn't because he was gay. This -- the bill was named for him, hate crimes bill was named for him, but it's really a hoax that that continues to be used as an excuse for passing these bills." - Foxx, discussing the proposed expansion of hate crimes protection to homosexuals.
I ask again, although I really don't want to know. What the fuck is wrong with you? This isn't some complex theory like global warming or evolution that you can go around denying like Jim Inhofe on a three-day mercury bender. This is the historical record. This is the historical record from eleven goddamned years ago. The Matthew Shepard murder was not a simple robbery, and everyone in the universe knows it.
So why would Virginia Foxx deny such an obvious thing in such an obnoxious, hurtful way? Well, a historical parallel is in order. You know why anti-Semites deny the Holocaust? Because the Holocaust makes Jews really, really sympathetic. When the group you hate is viewed with sympathy, then you are viewed as even bigger assholes for hating them. So you deny the event that causes them to appear sympathetic, and thus advance your own cause.
So it is with Matthew Shepard. His murder is the most egregious example of homophobic violence in recent memory. It is rightfully invoked when hate crimes legislation is on the table, because it was a horrific event that affected not just Matthew Shepard and his family, but all the members of his targeted minority. Wingnuts and bigots oppose expanding hate crimes protections to homosexuals, and all of the publicly acceptable stated reasons for it are lies.
They say it's punishing thought, which is a lie. It's punishing actions. At best, you can argue that crimes committed against minorities because they are minorities aren't worse for society than everyday crimes, but hate crimes laws don't punish the thoughts. They increase the punishment for actions that are judged to be more harmful to our country because of the motive that inspired them.
They say that religious figures will be prevented from speaking out against the evils of homosexuality, which is a lie. Preachers can speak out all they want. They just can't follow their sermon by grabbing a gay dude, tying him to their truck, and dragging him for ten miles. Or at least, they can't do it without incurring increased penalties. Which is not, no matter how much they whine, actually an imposition on their religious freedom.
And they apparently say that Matthew Shepard's murder wasn't a hate crime, which is not just a lie, but a despicable lie. So why are all their reasons lies, lies, and despicable, damned lies? Because the real reason is that they hate gay people and wouldn't mind it too much if all the gay people in America got beaten up or killed. They will yell and scream and cry defamation if you make this charge to them, but it's true, and we all know it's true, because the law doles out extra punishment if you get killed for being black, or for being a woman, or for being a born-again Christian, and that doesn't bother them in the slightest. Only the gay part bothers them, and we all know why.
So fuck you, Virginia Foxx, and fuck all the bigots who stand with you. There is something deeply, deeply wrong with your brain. Something sick and twisted that should, by all rights, disqualify you from serving in political office. That should, by all rights, disqualify you from serving anything other than Starbucks coffee, with an assistant manager keeping a close eye on you to make sure you don't say anything extraneous and stupid to the customers. That it doesn't and won't disqualify you doesn't mean you're normal, it means that everyone around you is seriously broken as well.