You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Mar 30, 2009
Memo to Michelle Bachmann: SO, YOU'RE ALL IN, THEN?
When confronted with a crazy person, the worst thing you can do is reward them for being crazy. For example, when a prominent member of Congress demonstrates her insanity on national television by calling for a media investigation into the traitorous, anti-American leanings of her co-workers, the worst thing you can possibly do is VOTE FOR HER. When the rat pushes the wrong button, you don't fucking feed it. Everyone knows that.
Well, apparently behavioral psychology is just one more aspect of the Demon Science that Minnesota's Sixth District has willingly rejected, because we got stuck with Michelle Bachmann for two more years. And she's figured out how to rise to prominence in the national Republican party, so guess what? You're all stuck with her too. And just days after going on one radio show to incite people into being "armed and dangerous" in the face of attempts to tax carbon emissions, Batshit Bachmann has further cemented her position as the Wingnut Revolution's Joan of Arc. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"We are headed down the lane of economic Marxism. More quickly, Sean, than anyone could have possibly imagined. It's difficult for us to even keep up with it day to day. At this point the American people - it's like Thomas Jefferson said, a revolution every now and then is a good thing. We are at the point, Sean, of revolution. And by that, what I mean, an orderly revolution -- where the people of this country wake up get up and make a decision that this is not going to happen on their watch. It won't be our children and grandchildren that are in debt. It is we who are in debt, we who will be bankrupting this country, inside of ten years, if we don't get a grip. And we can't let the Democrats achieve their ends any longer. If Tim Geithner is successful under President Obama, and they move us to an international currency. Then we have no hope of standing on our own as a sovereign nation with our own economic system. It's over. We can't do that." - Michelle Bachmann, on Sean Hannity's radio show.
An "orderly revolution"? Really? How would that work? Bachmann can't possibly be talking about the 2010 or 2012 elections, because she says right up front that we're barreling toward Marxism at a rapid pace. There isn't time to wait until the next election to act, so what the fuck does she mean? And shouldn't someone be finding out what she means?
Sure, I know what she really means. All of this boils down to one thing. "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!". Because while Bachmann is stupid enough to believe this shit, she's also smart enough to know that there's an audience for it. It's funny. Four years of Bush "hatred" managed to just barely keep a few new talk shows and their syndicated network alive on AM radio. Two months of Obama hatred and Rupert Murdoch is shitting money while Glenn Beck suddenly has ratings. Stupid white people have discovered "fight the power", and they can't get enough of it. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that it's happening now.
Oh, and if you're wondering what that "international currency" thing is, it's every United Nations, New World Order, black-helicopter, tinfoil-hat, Montana munitions bunker wet dream, being given voice by a sitting Congresswoman. You see, everything in the world of any import runs based on the dollar. The dollar has been in the hands of idiots for a decade, and so China, a.k.a. "the people with the money", suggested that maybe that's not the best idea, and that a global currency be created for global things like oil prices.
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, when asked about this idea, failed to respond "Hell no", "Yee-hah", or "USA! USA! USA!", which were the only acceptable answers to crazy jingoistic fuckwads, and thus he spawned a flurry of panic that the Almighty Dollar would bend over and get fucked right in the serial number by some new gay communist coinage. A panic which Michelle Bachmann was happy to spread on Glenn Beck's radio show:
"As you know, Russia, China, Brazil, India, South Africa, many nations have lined up now and have called for an international global currency, a One World currency and they want to get off of the dollar as the reserve currency. What that means is all of the countries in the world would have a single currency. We would give up the dollar as our currency and we would just go with a One World currency. If we give up the dollar as our standard, and co-mingle the value of the dollar with the value of coinage in Zimbabwe, that dilutes our money supply. We lose control over our economy. And economic liberty is inextricably entwined with political liberty. Once you lose your economic freedom, you lose your political freedom. And then we are no more, as an exceptional nation, as we always have been. So this is imperative."
I presume that we can take it as a given that she is stupid and wrong in both the specific and the general in the above. We will not be "mingling" our pure, green dollars with filthy Zimbabwe cootiebucks. It's just a giant pile of raw-nerve touchstone words for the wingnut revolutionaries, who will run around in circles moaning and wailing that something must be done to save our beloved dollars, and if any one of them decides to actually do that something, the rest will be right behind him or her, promise. No, really.
The funniest thing about all this is that lots of people believe Michelle Bachmann when she talks like this. But if you do believe Bachmann, then, you have absolutely no fucking excuse for sitting on your ass and doing nothing. There are millions of people in America who are convinced that President Obama will bring about the end of America through a one-world Marxist government, and the most they're willing to do to stop it is to leave their radio dial on the same AM station they've had it tuned to since 1996. It's sad that they're crazy, but I'm glad that they're lazy.