Archive - Feb 13, 2009

I'm Right

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Memo to all and sundry: REMEMBER, I'M RIGHT.

No, seriously. I'm right a LOT. I mean, I say a lot of stuff, sure. And a lot of what I say isn't intended to be taken entirely seriously. But the stuff that is? I'm right a lot. And sometimes, at the end of the week, it's just nice to sit back and toot my own horn about just how fucking right I am most of the time. CORRECT TOPIC RIGHT GUY FRIDAY!

Here's a fun little chronology for you. Barack Obama decides to nominate Republican senator Judd Gregg to a cabinet post. And since there's no Secretary Of Bad Stallone Movie Spoonerisms, Judd Gregg got offered Secretary of Commerce. Aha, people thought. The Democratic governor of New Hampshire would replace Gregg with a Democrat, giving the Senate Democrats their 60. But wait. Gregg accepted, but only after he was promised he'd be replaced by a Republican.

When it came time to get the stimulus bill going, Gregg was less than helpful. He even recused himself from the final vote. And today, Gregg withdrew his nomination for Secretary of Commerce, saying the policy differences with Obama were simply too great to overcome.

Result? I WAS RIGHT. Bipartisanship is for suckers.

Here's a fun one. Heath Ledger fans have launched a new website, The Ultimate Joker, and launched an online petition. Their goal? To "retire" the character of the Joker, at least in movies, because the late Heath Ledger was so awesome and now he's so dead and can't be so awesome anymore. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"We are Batman fans from the comics and from the movies. After we saw 'The Dark Knight,' we thought this Joker was really the best. It deserves to be withdrawn from any Batman sequels. When Michael Jordan retired, they withdrew the number 23 jersey as an honor. It's the same thing with Heath." - Her Barbella, whose name I will not make fun of because, well, it's "Her Barbella", and he's a dude, and anyway, he's in charge of The Ultimate Joker, so he's humiliated enough.Look. I liked The Dark Knight too, but did these people ever think that if a bunch of other nerds had had this idea after Cesar Romero died, Heath Ledger would have never gotten to play HIS version of the Joker? That we'd be stuck, forevermore, with a painted-over moustache? No, they did not. You know why? Because I WAS RIGHT. Nerds ruin everything.

Mike Huckabee is the latest Jesus-freak to claim that the stimulus package is anti-Christian. He called it "anti-religious", but we all know what he meant. Basically, the Bible thumptards have taken the provision, enshrined in law for nearly 50 years, that you can't use government money to build churches on college campuses, and blown it up into their latest orgy of fake victimization.

He made the claim in an e-mail to supporters. Here's the question I want to ask. Mike Huckabee is a TV host. He doesn't hold public office, and has gone out of his way to show his distaste for running for any office short of the Presidency, which he couldn't even win against a field of losers and assholes in 2008. So why the fuck does Huckabee have "supporters", and why is he still e-mailing them? I'll tell you why.

I WAS RIGHT. Mike Huckabee is a douchebag.