Archive - 2008

December 12th

Redefining Lame

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Memo to President Bush: YOU ARE STILL THE DUMBEST PRESIDENT.

Here's a horrific thought. George W. Bush, left as the leader of the free world, with absolutely nothing left to lose. He's destined to go down in history as one of the worst Presidents of all time, he's managed to carve himself unprecedented executive authority, and he's got at least two full months where nobody at all is watching him.

Well, pinch yourself, fuckers. The nightmare is now.

All eyes are on the Obama transition, and when they're not looking at Obama, they're looking at the financial collapse. Which means Dubya gets to sneakily implement all kinds of giveaways to friends and corporate interests. Plus, he's been amusing himself by issuing all kinds of executive orders, I think mainly to take up Obama's time reversing them after January 20th. He's doing this because, well, he's a tool and a dick.

Take, for example, rocket fuel. Now, as a geek in long standing, I'm a big fan of rocket fuel. It makes rockets go, and I like it when rockets go. Rockets are cool. Rocket fuel is cool. Just, you know, not as a fucking beverage. Perchlorate, one of the main components of rocket fuel, also happens to be a neurotoxin, and it also happens to be making its way into the water supply. Now, if they caught a Muslim plotting to put a neurotoxin in America's water supply, they'd send him to Gitmo, torture him, and execute him. But when the president does it, it's not illegal. ACTUAL NEWS ITEM!

"Among the Bush administration's final environmental legacies will be a decision to exempt perchlorate, a known neurotoxin found at unsafe levels in the drinking water of millions of Americans, from federal regulation. The ruling, proposed by the Environmental Protection Agency in October, was supposed to be formalized on Monday. That deadline passed, but the agency expects to announce its decision by the year's end, before president-elect Barack Obama takes office. It could take years to reverse." - Wired.com

Isn't that neat? Bush's joke of an EPA can push through a ruling at the last minute that says the government doesn't need to be involved in how much rocket fuel makes its way into your tap water, and Obama apparently can't do jack shit about it. I'm pretty sure this isn't what the founding fathers meant by "checks and balances", but I'm also pretty sure that Ben Franklin would kick George W. Bush straight in the presidential scrotum within five minutes of meeting him.

And if Dubya doesn't care how much rocket fuel you drink, you can sure as hell bet he doesn't give a flying shit how many otters a new power plant kills. So in another last-minute change, he's cutting back on the requirements for federal independent scientific review of how projects might affect endangered species. Oh, and also, the government can't consider global warming as part of that environmental impact, because as all good fans of Senator Inhofe know, Jesus is going to fly down to Earth on a magic Vespa and scoop up all the animals before they boil to death.

Back at the dawn of time itself, when I had a different vocation and a different avocation, I used to get paid to watch people try to get out of mandatory environmental reviews. These people were usually developers, and every one of them was the single biggest asshole I'd ever met... since the last one I'd met, that is. I object on principle to any regulatory change that makes the lives of America's scumbag class any easier. So even if the Bush administration weren't lying out their asses when they said these changes wouldn't actually put species in any additional danger, I'd STILL think it was a bad move.

Even if it's just pointless bureaucracy, that pointless bureaucracy is the only thing keeping Home Depot from paving over your house, building a new location in your backyard, and slapping an orange apron around your neck when you show up to complain. Well, OK. It -was- the only thing. Now it's the bureaucracy and the recession. But the recession won't last forever, and once it ends, mandatory environmental reviews are going to be the only thing between the heads of spotted owls and thousand-pound concrete slabs.

We ain't got change yet, and if you thought the fake stories about Clinton staffers prying "W" keys off of White House keyboards in 2000 were bad, the pillaging Dubya's doing on the way out should make you faint straight away. Thanks for voting for him, assholes.