Archive - Jul 24, 2008

One Glorious Error

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Memo to Shane Suiters: YOU'RE DUMB TOO.

I have a correction to yesterday's column. In the sixteen pages of horror that make up Brent Rinehart's psychotic campaign comic book, I failed to notice one small space, on the last page, that puts the lie to the ABC News article I relied upon for certain basic factual assumptions. That section says "Art by: Shane Suiters".

Ergo, I have to admit that Rinehart did not use his own lack of drawing talent, inability to spell, and incomprehensible grasp of anatomy to painstakingly produce, over the course of two months, his work of ineffable horror. He hired it out to someone else who couldn't draw or spell. Personally, I think that makes it WORSE.

But it's good that I got it wrong, because it gives me a chance to further showcase the work of Rinehart and Suiters. It's like a scab. I can't leave it alone, even though I know I should, even though it'll just keep getting uglier. Enjoy these specially-selected examples.

These, I shit you not, are the two ordinary Oklahoma citizens who support Mark Rinehart throughout all sixteen pages of the comic. This means one of three things. Shane Suiters watched too much Beavis and Butthead as a child while also sniffing too much glue; Brent Rinehart thinks his constituents are mutated, giant-headed freaks, or this is what Oklahomans are actually like. The latter is, I'll admit, the only one of the three that explains the continued re-election of James Inhofe.
Ladies and gentlemen, the single most, and I say this knowing full well the implications of the superlative, the single most ridiculous portrayal of a homosexual in the entire comic. Note the traditional gay accoutrements: The short-sleeved waistcoat. The exposed navel. The elbow-length gloves, which nicely set off the sort of short Fu Manchu goatee. And, topping it all off, what is either a miniature cowboy hat or a tricorn
This celestial messenger fulfills a vital role in the narrative of the comic book, opposing Half-Size Satan in his attempt to thwart Mark Rinehart's goals for Oklahoma and America. She's constantly giving useful advice like "Voters understand why he is attacked so much... for speaking out!" and "Hey Satan, not with Brent around you won't!". So why she is given the proportions of a Bratz doll? The world may never know.
These are the Zombie Children. They are the demonic spawn of the Big-Haired Everyday Oklahoman Mom above, and they are almost always drawn arms outstretched, hungering for brains. Because they are Oklahoma children, they look for these brains in soccer balls, Satan's pitchfork, an enormous speech bubble, and their mother's legs, but don't take them lightly. One false move on your part and you'll join their undead legion and start voting Republican.

Now, these individual images are disturbing and hilarious, but I'd like to finish with a bit of a collage I made myself (thanks, fair use!) assembling the most unintentionally (well, mostly unintentionally) homoerotic images with the grammatically-impaired sign that ties it all together. Thanks, Brent and Shane, for letting us laugh at Oklahoma. Again.