You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Nov 26, 2008
Memo to Joe Lieberman, Michelle Bachmann, and Newt Gingrich: YOU ARE ON TAPE.
The great thing about the wave of change sweeping the country right now is how little is actually changing. Case in point. The all-too-common practice amongst politicians of blatantly denying you said something, even though video of you saying that very thing made the news for days or weeks, and is readily accessible for playback on the Internet. Since it's Wednesday, it's time for a special Caught On Tape edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"It's an urban legend that was created. That isn't what I said at all." - Minnesota's own Michelle Bachmann, responding to Alan "I'm Out Of Here, Motherfuckers" Colmes on the soon-to-be Hannity And Some Other Sucker.
For the record, here's what Colmes said she said, and she said she didn't say: "You've said you were concerned during the campaign that Obama had anti-American views. You said the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look at the views of the people in Congress and find out if they're pro or anti America." You may recognize these statements as what Michelle Bachmann fucking well did say on Hardball. They're not even the interpretations of what she said, or what she meant. Those are the things she actually said. Not an urban legend. Or it's one of those urban legends that is actually true.
The amazing thing about this to me is this: SHE GOT AWAY WITH IT ALREADY. She said the crazy shit, her district re-elected her. There's no reason to lie about it. Clearly, the Sixth District wants a congresswoman who calls for a new round of investigations questioning Americans' love of country. You said it, and didn't get punished for it. That doesn't mean you get to say you never said it.
Fun fact. William Ayers? Never got punished for blowing shit up. He got off on a technicality. Holding him to Bachmann's standards, because he got away with it, he would be perfectly within his rights going around saying he didn't do it, even though he wrote books about how he did do it. Yet strangely, Bachmann didn't apply her own standards when talking about Barack Obama's "associations".
"I never felt that Barack Obama was unready." - Joe Lieberman, asked about his campaign comments on local Connecticut news.
Again, lying. Again, on tape. The money quote: "Is Barack Obama, notwithstanding his celebrity, ready to lead? And my answer is no." And again, HE GOT AWAY WITH IT. He kept his chairmanship, he didn't suffer any loss of status or stature as a result of attacking the Democratic presidential candidate while trying to pretend he's a Democrat. So why lie about it? Just roll with it. Clearly nobody of any importance cares what you did.
I can only assume that they do it out of habit, and because they can. For the same reasons we've gone into in this space before, over and over again, because some things don't change no matter who you vote for. And that's why, I guarantee you, when Newt Gingrich runs in 2012, he'll deny ever having said this, assuming anyone even bothers to bring it up:
"Look, I think there is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us, is prepared to use violence, to use harassment. I think it is prepared to use the government if it can get control of it. I think that it is a very dangerous threat to anybody who believes in traditional religion. And I think if you believe in historic Christianity, you have to confront the fact." - Newt Gingrich, intentionally or otherwise giving Bill O'Reilly a personal-best three and a half-inch erection.
Again, and I hate to have to point this out, but if there were in fact a gay and secular fascism in this country, prepared to use violence and harassment, and prepared to gain control of the government? There would be no Bill O'Reilly show for Newt Gingrich to appear on, because Bill O'Reilly would be found in his apartment with loofahs lodged in every major orifice, and Newt Gingrich would be quietly poisoned in his sleep by his lesbian sister. Until one or both of these things happen, I promise you, you have nothing to fear from those of us in the "gay-secular fascism" movement. And by the way, we prefer to call ourselves Homoseculars. Because we're cleverer than you are.