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You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Oct 2008
Memo to Michelle Bachmann: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY.
Fuck, it's worth a try. Actual true story. Friday morning, workplace political discussion. The topic? That Michelle "Batshit" Bachmann was only four points up on her unfortunately-named Democratic challenger, Elwyn Tinklenberg. That morning, I predicted that if she were to do something incredibly stupid, she might lose. But it couldn't be the usual stupid shit she pulls two times a day. No, this would have to be something monumentally stupid, preferably on camera, preferably reaching a national audience.
From my lips to your non-existent deity or deities' ears. Because that evening, there she was, on Hardball With Mr. Potato Head, calling for a full media investigation into which members of Congress hold un-American beliefs, starting with Barack Obama and not stopping until they're all rooted out. On-camera, for twelve minutes, reaching a national audience, displaying the full range of utter idiocy and bugfuck insanity that we all know Bachmann harbors in her tiny, twisted brain.
Here's the short version of how it went down. Bachmann was there to push the Ayers story and act like there's a ton of stuff out there about the Obama/Ayers relationship that we don't know. This is, of course, a lie, but it's one of the lies Republicans are freely being allowed to tell this election, so that's OK. But then she took it one notch farther on the great wingnut belt. She dipped her toes into the conspiracy theory that Obama has been shaped all his life by radical anti-Americans, from Wright to Ayers to a whole list of other names that you usually see in all caps on a comments page.
And Chris Matthews, who has recently taken up pretending to be a journalist as a hobby, noticed that Bachmann was sitting on the other side of the Acceptably Crazy/Unacceptably Crazy wall, and decided to actually spell out the shit she was implying. This is traditionally done by cable news journalists to allow the politician to step back from the abyss. Having given everyone a nice long look at what they want to say, but can't, they then say "Of course I don't mean that, Chris. I'm just saying that the American people have a right..."
But Michelle Bachmann is, as we've noted many times before in this space, SUPER DUMB. So when confronted with the question of whether she was calling liberals, including her fellow members of Congress, anti-American, she leapt in with both feet. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"Absolutely. I'm very concerned that he may have anti-American views. That's what the American people are concerned about. That's why they want to know what his answers are. That's why Joe the plumber has figured so highly in the last few days... You'd have to ask them, Chris. I'm focusing on Barack Obama and the people that he's been associating with... What I would say -- what I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an expose like that."
I didn't think she could pull it off, but she did. She actually broke her own individual record in the hundred-meter stupid, which has stood uncontested for MONTHS. And when you add in the blatant lie denial, ("I'm not saying his views are anti-American. That's a mis-reading of what I said.") and the truly epic electoral consequences, she may actually have broken the world record. And oh, what consequences they are.
First, when this broke wide, the left-wing blogs started sending money to Elwyn Tinklenberg. He got half a million dollars in 24 hours. Which, for a low-profile House race, is a huge, huge amount, and with luck, he'll use it to get some ads on the air in the final weeks of the race. But it gets better. ACTUAL NOT-BACHMANN QUOTE TIME!
"Thank you for your support in helping me lead the charge in Minnesota’s 6th Congressional District against the destructive neocon ideology that has mired the United States in an unnecessary war in Iraq at a cost of thousands of American lives, hundreds of billions in taxpayer dollars, and untold damage to the international stature of the United States of America. And, as if incumbent Rep. Michele Bachmann’s enthusiastic support for these policies is not damaging enough, she now appears to be calling for a witch hunt to 'find out [which members of Congress] are pro-America or anti-America.' We cannot tolerate this festering brand of neo-McCarthyism in our midst."
That rabid anti-american leftist is REPUBLICAN Aubrey Immelman, who tried to unseat Bachmann in the primary, and who is encouraging Republicans in her district to write in his name instead of voting for her. It's like Christmas in October, and every present Bachmann opens launches a spring-loaded pie into her face. If this actually gets Michelle Bachmann out of Congress, I swear, I'm going to declare October 17 an official YAD holiday and celebrate it every year.