Archive - Aug 2006

August 21st

Just Like Dogs

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Memo to creationist dumbfucks: BACK AWAY FROM THE BONES.

I'm not surprised that the creationists are going international. They've pretty much reached the limit of what they can do in the States. We're down to 40% of the population actually recognizing evolution. Another 21% say they're "not sure". The rest reject evolution as Satanic monkeytalk. That, by the way, puts us just ahead of Turkey, and just behind... everybody else, in a recent survey of 32 European nations, the US, and Japan.*

But that's about as far as they can go before sanity pushes back - such as in Dover, or in Kansas, where creationists have, for the second time, been booted off the state school board. They can put doubt in people's minds, and manipulate the state of debate in the country so that people move into that "unsure" catagory. They can make the defense of fact a constant annoyance and struggle. But eventually a court, some voters, or both will push back, because it takes a lot more stupid people than even creationists have on their side to turn the known into the unknown. That ship has sailed.

But they're not giving up, and they're both thinking and acting globally. No longer content to fight in America and Australia (a.k.a. Texas With Kangaroos), evangelical creationists have targeted the National Museums of Kenya.

Why Kenya? Because northern Kenya is where Richard Leakey dug up all those bones of early hominids that help show the evolution of the species. Because the museums in Kenya are where Leakey's findings are prominently displayed. And because creationists apparently crib their strategies from dogs. If you hide the bones, the bones DON'T EXIST.

You would think that a wholesale push to tuck the evidence away in a warehouse like it was a Nazi-melting ark would expose them to the world as a bunch of paranoid frauds, but remember the debased nature of debate in the big double-zeroes. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The Christian community here is very uncomfortable that Leakey and his group want their theories presented as fact. Our doctrine is not that we evolved from apes, and we have grave concerns that the museum wants to enhance the prominence of something presented as fact which is just one theory." - Bonifes Adoyo, bishop of Kenya's largest Pentecostal church.

Well, if Bishop Adoyo is uncomfortable with a near-complete statue of homo erectus that doesn't have a skeleton of a woman and a snake posed around it, tough shit. That doesn't mean you can keep people from seeing the skeleton. But I tell you what, Bishop Adoyo. I'm willing to meet you halfway. All you need to do is shoot God in the face, Cheney-style.

Then you can stuff and mount His corpse. Or even better, plasticize it, white beard an all, just like that guy on the horse. Then we can set it up right next to Leakey's bones, and people can see both sides of the argument and judge for themselves. That's what you creationists want, right? All "theories" presented equally? Well, then, put up or shut up. Get your creationist bones and we'll put 'em right next to the evolution bones.

Hell, I'll even pay for the plaque. Ball's in your court, Fido.

*In case you were wondering, tops in the survey was Iceland, where over 80% of the population accept evolution as fact. Which means, apart from the climate and the Bjork, Iceland is like paradise on Earth. Global warming should clear up the first problem, but the second may be insurmountable.