Archive - Apr 2006

April 20th

Not-So-Great Scott

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Memo to Scott McLellan: SEE YA, WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA.

Shed no tears for Scott McLellan. Oh, sure, it's possible to feel some small mearuse of sympathy for him, but resist. The man was paid quite well for two and a half years to lie to you so that his boss would look good. No, it can't have been easy for him, but if he had any principles in the first place, he wouldn't be a press secretary. And he REALLY wouldn't be Bush's press secretary.

And now he's gone, and while it's not really his fault people weren't believing him anymore, fuck him nonetheless. Of course, now they're talking about replacing him with Tony Snow. You know, Snow, as in Snow Job. I heard that Jim Wooloveryoureyes was unavailable, and Steve Blowsunshineupyourass is making too much money in the private sector.

Snow is a Fox News commentator, which, when it comes to lying so Bush looks good, is kind of like community college, but with a much better job placement program. But as scary as his name and background are, his face terrifies me even more. Let's look at Tony and Scott side by side:

Scott looks like a guy who'll lie to you 'cause he's getting paid to, although admittedly my perceptions may be colored by history. But Tony Snow? Tony Snow looks like a guy who'll lie to you becasue it gives him an erection. A guy who got out of used car sales because it was too honest. A real steal-your-kidney-and-sell-it-back-to-you kind of guy.

But we'll never forget Scott McLellan. And in honor of his passing, and in honor of the rhinovirus that is dragging my body and brain behind it in its pickup truck, here are Scott McLellan's greatest YAD hits.

Hey, Wasn't There Something About Torture?

Ridged, For Your Terror

There's No D In Testicles

OK, technically, those are the only three times the search feature says he's been mentioned. But saying any more would be like commenting on an ongoing investigation.