You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Feb 3, 2006
Memo to Jason Janz and Kevin Bauder: YOU ARE DUMB.
It's funny how, as I've done this for the past two years, my senses have become hyperattuned to certain types of stupidity. For example, a month or so ago, when I caught the last bit of a trailer for "The End Of The Spear", I saw a line of text about how to arrange "group showings". Immediately, my Dumb-sense started tingling. Group showings = church groups = Christian film. And it turns out I was right. It's about missionaries and savages, even.
Seemingly Unrelated Factoid: Do you know what it takes to make the Howard Foundation (purveyors of the Natural Family) send out an all-caps e-mail alert to its mailing list? Not the Alito confirmation, not the Brokeback Mountain Oscar nominations. No, their very way of life is being threatened. Threatened by... well, I believe it's ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"Larry Jacobs, spokesman for the World Congress of Families and vice president of The Howard Center, today condemned a resolution of the European Union that requires member states to ban what it calls 'homophobia'."
Heh. I love the way they word stuff. So anyway, what's the connection between a very Jesusy movie and rabid Christian homophobia? It seems that one of the lead roles in "The End Of The Spear" is played by... a gay actor. Chad Allen. A GAY ACTOR in a movie CHURCHGOERS might see! So, if I've got this right, straight actors shouldn't play gay cowboys, and gay actors shouldn't play straight missionaries.
It always warms my heart when bigotry forces the crucifixated to turn on their own. The "End Of The Spear" people thought they were doing good, and being (reasonably) tolerant.
"We disagree with Chad about homosexuality, but we love him and worked with him, and we feel that's a Biblical position." - Director Jim Hanon, who said Allen was picked because he was the best actor for the role.
But that wasn't enough for raging queerhaters like Janz, an assistant Baptist pastor in Denver and, surprise surprise, a BLOGGER. He's gotten over 100 churches to boycott the film because one of the actors in it is gay. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"Does anyone really believe that Chad Allen was the best possible actor for Nate Saint? That would be like Madonna playing the Virgin Mary." - You see, Chad Allen is apparently a "homosexual activist", which is the very long phrase that, to the rest of us, translates as "out". Allen had the tenacity to argue in favor of gay marriage on Larry King Live! How dare he act in a Christian film!
Janz has since edited most of the inflammatory comments out of his blog*, and is trying to play the role of the conscientious objector. Which is where Kevin Bauder comes in. Bauder is a local boy. Apparently, there's a Central Baptist Seminary here in Minneapolis, and apparently, Bauder also has a blog. What the fuck? At this rate, I'm going to be the last man on Earth without a blog. Once the Amish get ahold of those handcranked computers and register jedediah427.blogspot.com.
In much the same way that Janz feels the End of the Spear people don't hate gays enough, Bauder feels that JANZ doesn't hate gay people enough. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"Granted, we must not overreact. And it would probably be an overreaction to firebomb these men’s houses. But what they have done is no mistake. It is a calculated strategy. This is not a private peccadillo. It is a very public scandal. It is a scandal because it promotes a man who is working hard to advance one of the most shameful and unnatural of human abuses."
More shameful and unnatural than firebombing houses, even. I like how arson is only "probably" an overreaction to Bauder, who, after his comments were quoted in the New York Times, had to deal with a huge influx of posters inexplicably upset by his perfectly reasonable comments.
There's more, of course. The obligatory NAMBLA reference, and what appears to be some kind of vague Biblical threat - I had to look it up, but he apparently thinks that by casting a gay actor as a missionary, that constitutes a change to the Gospel, and thus, according to Paul The Bugfuck Apostle, the filmmakers should be eternally condemned.
I guess Bauder isn't too concerned about inheriting the Earth or anything.
*Called, by the way, "Sharper Iron" - apparently this is a much-beloved trope amongst Biblically-minded bigots.