Archive - 2005

December 23rd

Peace On Ape Earth, Good Will Toward Ape Men

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Let us rejoice this day, because this week in Dover, the creationists got their second brutal bitchslapping in as many months. In addition to being out on their ass, the Dover school board's attempt to get ID taught in science classes got pinyaned by the legal system.

This is not a final triumph, of course, but it's a good start. Of course, John G. West says the decision reflects badly on evolution supporters, but John G. West is the idiot fuck associate director of the Discovery Institute, which means he knows as much about evolution supporters as he knows about evolution: primordial diddly squat. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Evolutionists used to style themselves the champions of free speech and academic freedom against unthinking dogmatism." - Actually, no. Free speech and academic freedom have nothing whatsoever to do with teaching evolution. Science teachers teach science. Intelligent Design is not science. Education is, ideally, about presenting students with useful, current information. Not about everyone getting a say just 'cause they wrote a fake textbook. I hope a bonobo jacks off into West's stocking this year. MERRY CHRISTMAS, FUCKO!

But that doesn't mean we can be complacent, as long as dumbasses like Peter DeRosa exist, and dumbasses like the South Florida Sun-Sentinel are around to give them media coverage.

DeRosa, and his family, are creationist archaeologists. Which is a lot like virgin nymphomaniacs. Possible, but very, very unlikely.

Now, if creationists want to use the scientific method to test out their beliefs and do some rigorous field work, then more power to them. But DeRosa's "Creation Expeditions" is nothing more than a couple of young-Earth retards fucking around with an allosaur fossil. But you'd never know it from the Sun-Sentinel. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Working from a business park about 80 miles north of Tampa, DeRosa and his family are hammering away at two bedrock principles of modern science: evolution and the notion that Earth is about 4 billion years old." This is technically true. However, the principles are a twenty foot titanium wall, and the hammer is bright red, made of plastic, and squeaks.

The sum total of their scientific discovery, as reported by the Sun-Sentinel, is as follows. They (DeRosa, his brother, his sister, and his parents) have studied dinosaurs for a decade, though they have no formal scientific training. They give talks. And they charge $500 a head to take complete sucker-ass Floridians on their "digs".

The article says they've produced "impressive results", but it turns out that means they found two dinosaur skeletons. And they say they've found organic matter buried with the skeletons, proving the skeletons are young.

Yep. Thousands of careful, trained, professional archaeologists have failed to find plants in with the skeletons, but some fundies get some grass on their pick and suddenly the earth is six thousand years old. BRILLIANT.

"It's very clear in Scripture. God's word is true. Everything we've found supports that." - Yup. You're quite the scientist, dude. It's a wonder the Smithsonian doesn't have you on speed dial.

So be thankful for Dover, but watch the skies. They're still out there - in Florida, in Kansas, and anywhere the lead levels in the water exceed 50 parts per billion.

Oh, and one more thing. It's the holiday weekend, and if you remember one thing from You Are Dumb Dot Net over the next day or so, let it be this: "O Christmas Tree" and "Go Fuck Yourself" have exactly the same number of syllables.