You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Sep 9, 2005
The center for privilege in the Twin Cities metro, the closest thing we have to a gated community inside the highway loop. There is no truth so obvious that some Edina motherfucker can't get it wrong in the most knee-jerk. right-wing, The Man's Alright With Me, 'Cause I'm The Man Too kind of way. Their medium? The letter to the editor. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
It was the arrogance of some of the impoverished that caused the chaos in New Orleans. Those thugs could have acted differently -- most of the affected in New Orleans faced this devastation with courage and acted decently and nobly. It was the arrogance of the thugs who were trying to take advantage of the weak. The relief effort failed in the early days because there were some who were trying to do harm to the first responders. I suspect that not many of us would be rushing into New Orleans to help when evil people were trying to kill you for sport. How is President Bush responsible for that?"
Ladies and gentleman, the insight and wisdom of Dan Nye. Normally, I would make some kind of snide comment about Nye getting his picture of the New Orleans Flood from Fox News, but I've actually been keeping an eye on Fox News this week, and as bad as they are, the picture they're painting isn't nearly as ridiculous or racist as what Nye thinks happened.
I mean, "evil people trying to kill you for sport"? That's Michael Medved's synopsis of "The Most Dangerous Game". That's what follows "ladies" and "gentlemen" in the speech Ann Coulter wrote in case she ever gets invited to speak at the Council on American Islamic Relations. That's not sane talk. That's a version of reality even more warped than Michael Brown's resume.
He's a failed horse show judge steward, by the way. Head of FEMA. Fired from supervising horse show judges. I cannot say this enough times. Motherfucking Michael Can't Run A Fucking Horse Show Brown in charge of national safety. Anyway.
What Nye is probably thinking of is the alleged potshots being taken at the alleged helicopters that were allegedly evacuating the Superdome, causing that evacuation to stop much quicker than it started. Even assuming that story wasn't being disputed (it is, not a one of the pilots reported being shot at), that still happened DAYS after relief should have been there.
If all the wild stories of gun-toting, gang-banging, never-explicitly-stated-as-black-but-sweet-fuck-you-know-that's-what-they-mean rape squads with preternatural swimming ability were actually true, and actually what kept the federal government at bay for days on end, you'd think the National Guard wouldn't have been able to establish order at all once they showed up.
And the best part? When you take Nye's last question, and ask how, indeed, President Bush could be held responsible for the delusional world of paranoia, fear, and racism that grips Nye in his comfortable Edina home, the reasons flow faster than New Orleans shitwater back into Lake Ponchartrain. But not as freely as the shit flows in beautiful, well-off, motherfucking Edina.