Archive - Sep 2005

September 30th

Neither A Proposal, Nor Particularly Modest

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It's been said that Hurricane Katrina and the New Orleans Flood shone a bright spotlight on institutional racism in America. But that's not really true. It wasn't exactly in the dark. It's more accurate to say that the extreme weather and aftermath grabbed the collective necks of the general public, cranked them around towards the racism, and propped their eyes open with toothpicks. It's always been there, but most people don't bother looking.

So let's take a look at racism for a bit, by looking at its primary instigators. Whitey. Crackertown, USA. The Pale Menace. The Man.

First, You Are Dumb Dot Net has obtained this exclusive photo of new Chief Justice Roberts being sworn in. During the ceremony, presided over by an albino, a freak blizzard blanketed the entire city. If you're having a tough time picking out Roberts, he's the one on the right trying desperately to look like he's not too far on the right.

And speaking of right, let's check in with Hillary Clinton and Joystick Joe Lieberman's bestest buddy in the whole world. William "The Book Of Virtues" Bennett. Centrist Democrats love swapping bodily fluids with Bennett. He seems so non-threatening. A nice, safe "values" conservative who keeps his "God Hates Fags" banner in the closet where it belongs.

Like seemingly every former conservative politico, Bennett has a radio show*, "Morning In America". Yeah, I feel a little ill after reading that, too. Anyway, they got talking about abortion one day, and a caller made the astonishing point that if only all those babies hadn't been aborted in the 70's, they'd be contributing to Social Security today, solving that "crisis".

Now, since the "crisis" is about 50 years away, all those surplus would-be fetusi would actually be COLLECTING Social Security when the money ran out, but I assume the caller's answer to that would be to just keep breeding like rabbits in the interim. Anyway, we're not talking about the retarded caller, we're talking about the retarded host. Because while Bennett did disagree with the caller's argument, he did so in a way that can only be expressed through the one truly race-neutral aspect of modern society: ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I would not argue for the pro-life position based on this, because you don't know. I mean, it cuts both -- you know, one of the arguments in this book Freakonomics that they make is that the declining crime rate, you know, they deal with this hypothesis, that one of the reasons crime is down is that abortion is up... Well, I don't think it is either, I don't think it is either, because first of all, there is just too much that you don't know. But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."

I've quoted extensively, because when people like Bennett make these incredibly racist statements, they always fall back on the "taken out of context" argument. Well, you've got the full context. The second defense, in this case, will almost certainly be that he called the idea "impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do", but that dog, as they say down in Values Country, don't hunt.

Why? Because if you remove one word - "black" - from Bennett's statements, the whole thing becomes a perfectly reasonable argument. If you were to abort EVERY baby, the crime rate would drop, and it would be impossible, ridiculous, and reprehensible. So why say "black baby"? Because Bennett is a racist who thinks black people are inherently criminal, that's why. He was talking about crime, and his cracker brain had to toss the extra word in. Freud and Pavlov are shaking hands in the afterlife even as we speak.

It makes you wonder how much of Bennett's eight million dollars in gabling losses were at the roulette table, and if so, whether that same cracker instinct affected his betting strategy.

All you Democrats reading this column better fucking remember, come primary season, which of your choices are in bed with this racist fuck, and vote accordingly.

*How long before Michael Brown has his radio show? And if he does, will he be able to cope with only a seven-second delay?