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You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Aug 12, 2005
Memo to James Dobson: YOU ARE STILL DUMB.
Yesterday, we discussed, with disgust, the curious case of James "technically a doctor of psychology" Dobson, head of Focus on the Family, bigot, hatemonger, asshole, friend of the Bush administration. Dobson wants to make sure your kid doesn't turn out gay, you see. Especially if he's a boy.
So Dobson created a website at focusonthechild.com, dispensing helpful tips on how to tell your child might be heading down the yellow brick road, as it were. But identifying the problem is no good unless you can do something about it, right? Dobson has the answer. And like the detection tips yesterday, it's a terrifying bundle of misconceptions about gender vs. gender attraction. ACTUAL HOW TO PREVENT HOMOSEXUALITY QUOTE TIME!
"Recognize that most homosexuals were not explicitly [so] when they were children. More often, they displayed a 'nonmasculinity' that set them painfully apart from other boys: unathletic — somewhat passive, unaggressive and uninterested in rough-and-tumble play. A number of them had traits that could be considered gifts: bright, precocious, social and relational, and artistically talented."
Now, this isn't actually much of a tip, so I'm going to have to assume, by inference, that parents should ensure their sons are stupid, slow loners who like to break things. Which, if nothing else, will get you elected to two terms as President.
"The truth is, Dad is more important than Mom. Mothers make boys. Fathers make men.… Girls can continue to grow in their identification with their mothers. On the other hand, a boy has an additional developmental task — to disidentify from his mother and identify with his father."
It's bad enough these pigfuckers are anti-gay bigots, but they're sexists too? They're going to sit there and tell us that boys have to go through an entire separate developmental stage? That fathers aren't even remotely involved in the development of their daughters? Again, I must remind you that these fucking psychos are running things, and you're letting them.
"...prehomosexual boys are sometimes the victims of their parents’ unhappy marital relationship. In a scenario where Mom and Dad are battling, one way Dad can 'get even' with Mom is by emotionally abandoning their son." - Roughly translated, this means "have my dinner on the table by six, bitch, or Jimmy will be taking it up the ass down at the docks."
"Masculinity is an achievement. Growing up straight isn’t something that happens. It requires good parenting. It requires societal support. And it takes time." - I wish that were true. I really do. Because if you think for one second that 90% of parents are actually providing that kind of support and time, you can get right in the padded wagon with Dobby.
If that were how things worked, the amount of boneheadedness and neglect I see on display every single day in our nation's fine retail outlets would bring about Dobson's nightmare world. Homosexuals EVERYWHERE. You think they have an "agenda" now, when they're an oppressed minority watching you play the Christian Persecution card with bile in their throats? Imagine what they'd do if every guy whose parents didn't love him enough turned out gay?
Dobson and his ilk would be hunted for SPORT. Their pasty fucking pelts would grace the Lincoln Bedroom, where the President and his First Husband would point and laugh along with every tour group that came through. And in many ways, we'd probably be a lot better off.