Archive - Jun 28, 2005

I Love The Smell Of Repression In The Morning

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Memo to Tommy Corman: YOU ARE DUMB AND EVIL.

Oh, Tennessee. How do I loathe thee, let me count the ways. You're the home of Bill Frist. You're the home of the Scopes Monkey Trial, and subsequent celebrations thereof. You are, quite possibly, the dumbest state in the nation. And you're the home of Love In Action.

Love In Action is, as far as I can tell, the single most evil version of the single most evil institution currently present in modern America circa the year 2005. That institution is the "homosexual conversion facility", run by right-wing fundamentalist nutjobs who try to "cure" gay people of their unwanted same-sex attractions.

The very concept of trying to "fix" gay people is the poster child for everything this column exists to oppose. Dumb people, in this case radical anti-gay fundamentalist Christians, who use their ignorance and hatred to actively damage and ruin the lives of others - specifically, unhappy gay people who, thanks to the kinds of fucks that run these conversion camps, think they NEED fixing in the first place.

And these utterly unmitigated fuck-knobs think they're doing the Lord's Work. Which means one of two things. They're wrong, and thus they're goin' straight to Hell (albeit on a timetable drastically different than one I'd concoct), or they're right, and the Lord is an asshat too. If I had my way, every last one of these so-called "therapists" would go to jail, but you can't really criminalize someone voluntarily entering any kind of religious program, no matter HOW much that program will make them miserable in the long run. As I'm sure Katie Holmes' parents are finding out.

Of course, that all changes if the individual whose life you're fucking up happens to be a minor, and happens to be forced, presumably against his will, to attend the facility. By parents who would rather inflict psychological trauma on their son than have to explain to their neighbors why Johnny's not going to prom. Which is what brings us to Love In Action, and its administrator, Tommy Corgan.

It seems that Love In Action is one of the few, if not the ONLY, one of these conversion camps that takes in teenagers. And not at the teenagers' request, at the parents'. Once again, I have to redefine my personal vision of hell. Being a teenager. Realizing I'm gay. In TENNESSEE. And just as I'm possibly coming to terms with my sexuality, my parents send me off to spend SIX WEEKS with a bunch of self-righteous "ex-" queens who are so mind-bogglingly repressed scientists could study their skeletons to get a better understanding of PLATE TECTONICS. Hell on Earth, presided over by its little Lucifer and secret Muscle & Fitness subscriber Tommy Corman.

It seems that one of the teens at Love In Action was also blogging about his hellish experiences at the camp. Word of his plight spread, and now Love In Action is being investigated for possible child abuse by Tennessee. And while I do not hold out high hopes for the results of that investigation as it's being run by Tennessee, certain other unsavory practices may be brought to light by this whole thing.

Corman, of course, sees nothing wrong with adolescents being forced to attend Camp Nomohomo. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Youth camps, vacation bible school, Sunday school, how many places do parents put their children against their will? It's like when I tell my three-year-old to take a bite of broccoli. You have a legal, moral and ethical obligation to mold a child." - Nice analogy, Corman. It'd be more appropriate if the three-year-old kid were ALLERGIC TO BROCCOLI, but I'm not going to play semantics with one of the worst human beings on the planet. A man who, I'm sure, wouldn't hesitate to shut down a camp where gay parents could send their straight kids to "mold" them more in the parents' image.*

But there is hope. The kind of appalling arrogance that would make people believe they could fix gay people also leads to them thinking they're untouchable. Corman has admitted to local press that not only does Love In Action falsely promote itself as treatment for drug, alcohol, and porn addiction, but that he helps people get their visits to Fuck-Me-Up Central covered by their health insurance. Motherfucker. I can't get my contact lenses paid for, and he's arranging coverage for godly psychoquackery.

Especially considering that Love In Action isn't licensed by anyone to do anything, which in all likelihood they're supposed to be. So let's all cross our fingers, think nasty thoughts, and hope beyond hope that Corman and his band of "therapists" get put down like the rabid dogs they are. Sure, it'd be a small victory, but it'd also be a very satisfying one.

*And no, Wellesley College doesn't count. Technically.