Archive - Jun 27, 2005

Smart In Secret... Sorta

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Memo to Donald Rumsfeld: YOU'RE NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT.

But sweet fuck, will they do everything in their power to keep people from finding that out.

You see, the British press discovered that we've been meeting and negotiating with insurgents. The British press had to do this, because the US press was all down in Aruba, except for one guy who had to stay home so that he could tell us that when US senators took their pre-scheduled, guided tour of Guantanamo Bay, they didn't see any of that pesky torture people were getting all upset about. Torture, by the way, that US officials have admitted to the UN took place at Gitmo. A couple of places carried that story. Like that leftist rag, Forbes. Not happening any more, of course, say the same people who are still saying it never happened.

So anyway, we got caught negotiating with terrorists. The Iraqi government wanted to talk with some of the more moderate Sunni elements of the insurgency - not Al fuckin' Qaeda or anything. So the US helped them. The Brits listed four times, and Rummy went on Fox News when only bloggers watch it to officially kill the story dead by saying it's no big deal, and hell, it was MORE than four times. Tons of times. No big deal.

And in one sense, it's not. It's almost, dare I say this, encouraging. It's not often that we get to see behind the curtain with this bunch of assholes to see the practical realpolitik behind the speeches. And when we DO see it, we're shipping some poor bastard off to Uzbekistan to be boiled alive. But talking with insurgents? Meeting with them? Trying to bring them into Iraq's nascent political process? Trying, dare I say it, to understand their concerns? From an administration that's taken ham-handedness to such an extent that half of them will be working for Hormel after they leave office? Astounding.

Only one minor, teensy little problem, of course. I hate to mention it, really, since the last thing I want to do is throw a bucket of sand on the spark of reason, but we are all aware that negotiating with the insurgency runs, in the most hypocritical way possible, entirely counter to everything they've been telling us for years about "the enemy".

I've heard for how long now that we have to crush the insurgency, because all they want to do is brutally behead innocent Americans? The freedom-haters? The democracy-shunners? That they're such awful people it's OK if we don't hold COMPLETELY to standards of humane treatment? That the insurgents are all terrorists, and all terrorists are evil? Why, it seems like only a few days ago someone was lambasting liberals for wanting to "understand" terrorists... who was that again? Some red-faced weasel fuck. Can't remember his name. Karl something.

You know you're dealing with fuckheads when the smartest thing they've done in years also happens to be the most hypocritical. Luckily, the public and press have shown time and time again that they're simply not interested in hypocrisy, logical contradictions, flat-out lies... nobody gives a shit. So with a little luck, this latest one will blow over, the Iraqis can go on negotiating, and maybe some tiny shred of hope can be salvaged from the non-stop clusterfuck that is our Middle East policy.

It'd be just like you fucks to suddenly give a shit now, though. If the non-stop "brown = evil" conditioning the administration, and complicit media, have pounded into all of your heads since 9/12 suddenly bore fruit, and you all decided that this touchy-feely, therapeutic, leftist NEGOTIATION cannot stand, and start demanding that an independent investigation look into these secret meetings, how many there were, when they took place, and just what did the president know about this whole "talking" idea, and when did he know it?

If I were the Democrats, and we're all well aware of how closely they follow MY tactical ideas, but if I were them, I would go all out to praise the administration at every opportunity, with every single drop of fake sincerity they can muster. Too bad they don't have Lieberman on a short leash. He's great at faking it. But make a point, whenever possible, to publically appreciate the Administration's willingness to negotiate.

That'll get the idea out there where the thick-skulled racist redneck fucks these people need to stay in power can hear it, but not in a way that'd present the negotiations as something they did WRONG. Just smile, pat them on the back, say "good job", and watch the support erode. It'd be hilarious and effective, and thus, will not be seen from the geniuses that brought us The Demand For Karl Rove's Resignation.