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Election 2008, 3 October 2008

Memo to Palinmaniacs: GET OVER YOURSELVES.

I hate even having to say this. I mean, making fun of stupid people is my stock in trade, right? So I should be happy to watch the country pile on a moron creationist book-banning VP candidate for being stupid. Hell, making fun of Palin has been so good to me I don't even mind all the other Sarah Palin Bingo imitators out there, even if none of them had the balls to use the letters in her name. Good luck finding a use for that domain name in six weeks, though. Really. All the best.

And I am happy. Sort of. Up to a point. As I write this, hours before the debate, I'm hoping for a train wreck that makes the Couric interview look like a Kasparov match. I'm not -expecting- it, since with 90 second responses and 120 second rebuttals, she'll get saved by the clock before she has to think on her feet. But I'm hoping.

At the same time, I feel the need for caution. Not caution in mocking Palin. She's earned every shot she's gotten and then some. But caution about the vague sense I have that people think the hockey mom's epic fail is some kind of watershed moment in America's battle with stupidity.

The problem is, she makes it too easy. She's dumber than Dubya, which is an impressive feat. But as dumb as Dubya was, the fucker always had an answer. Maybe not a great answer. Maybe not a parse-able answer. But he had an answer. And 99 times out of 100, that answer was good enough to maintain the conservative delusions about him for eight years.

Sarah Palin could barely maintain the conservative delusions about her for eight days. Her handlers are so desperate they're trying to pre-blame the moderator's unpublished book that includes a section on Obama. Like it's Gwen Ifill's fault Palin's a microcephalic moosefucker. Everywhere she goes, from a chair in Charlie Gibson's studio to a sandwich shop in Philly, it's like the rest of the world has put on a giant "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt. Noticing this is not a prerequisite for MENSA, as evidenced by the fact that even National Review writers are managing it.

People realized Dan Quayle was stupid too. But they never made the logical leap that other stupid, incompetent people were out there along with him, and they shouldn't be in charge of shit either. Instead, we crucified Gore for being smart and Kerry for being nuanced. Eight years after bashing Quayle for his superfluous "e", the same people turned around and saddled us all with a superfluous "W".

It's the same with Palin. If she's really the sign that America is sick of intellectually challenged, faith-crazy assholes who revel in their Average Joe ignorance, then it won't be long before Glenn Beck gets cancelled, James Inhofe gets voted out of office, and Comedy Central stops running "Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector".

But even if, as you're reading this, the news is falling all over itself to show footage of Palin calling Lithuania the central front of the war on cellulite, don't hold your breath waiting for the new Age Of Reason to dawn. Just hope it's enough to get us through November.