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Republicans, 13 February 2008

Memo to Republicans: KEEP BEING DUMB.

After the latest in an endless series of pathetic failures by the MAJORITY Democrats to keep a lame-duck President with a 30% percent approval rating from getting every single fucking thing he wants, I need to remind myself that as awful as they are, the Republicans are still worse. So it's time for an all-GOP edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

This is notable because it's the last excuse for something ridiculous from the Washington GOP caucus. Ridiculous even by caucus standards. Now, caucuses are stupid, arcane things. Artifacts of a bygone era, byzantine processes composed of layer upon layer of abstracted representation that would be grounds for invasion of a third-world banana republic if they ran their elections that way. We get away with them here for two reasons - first, they're used to settle internal party business rather than an actual function of government, and second, we pretend they're like primaries, with votes and percentages and winners, even though they're not.

On Saturday night, with 87% of precincts reporting, the race was called for John McCain. Not by the media, but by the head of the state GOP, Luke Esser. McCain supporter. At the time he called it, complete with sending out press releases saying McCain "won", McCain had about 200 votes on Huckabee. Huckabee threatened to sue, Esser and the Washington GOP provided a variety of excuses, promised to count the votes, no really, and finally offered up a complete lie in the traditional Bush administration manner - claiming what we all saw them do was something completely different and much more acceptable. And right now, it looks like that's where it's gonna sit, unless Huckabee decides that it's worth losing by a little bit less to stick his neck into the ridiculous morass of rules and rituals that is the caucus system.

Oh, shut the fuck up, you little wanker. Do not come crying to us about the supposed "liberal bias" of the Owatonna PD. I realize it's your duty as a Ron Paul supporter to assume that everyone is out to get you because of your brave political stance, but Owatonna is a pit-stop in the vast wasteland between Minneapolis and Iowa, not a hotbed of radicalism.

The reason you got pulled over five times is not because you were a Republican. As a Ron Paul fanboy, you're only barely Republican as it is. It's because of the three and a half foot wide "Ron Paul Revolution" sticker. Covering the back window of your car. Which is illegal, whether you're pimping Ron Paul, Sanjaya, or some other laughingstock who already lost their contest a while ago. At least Cody makes the misguided effort to emulate his poor, crazy, racist hero, though. He's challenging the law on First Amendment grounds, and claims "To be honest, I'm probably not going to win, but I'm going to go down fighting." With that attitude, Cody, someday you too could be excluded from debates during your quixotic and doomed run for political office.

"We have families because we don't abort our kids, and we have jobs because we believe in capitalism." - Erick Erickson, editor of RedState, on why the conservative blogosphere isn't as large or as effective as its liberal counterpart.

Be careful with that snark, son. It's obvious you don't know how to use it or where to point it. Since RedState is one of the leading lights of the online right, I can only assume that it's because Erickson has made the ultimate sacrifice - aborting his many fetuses and accepting welfare and unemployment benefits so that he can, unencumbered by family or capitalism, provide one of the leading Internet outlet for the mindless cheering of family and capitalism.

I have to say, the lameness of his cheap shot is the second-most surprising thing about that quote. The most surprising? RedState has an EDITOR? That means the shit that goes up on their site was even worse in draft form, and that's fucking terrifying.