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Democrats, 24 October 2007

Memo to the Republican National Committee: GOOD IDEA.

And I mean that only slightly sarcastically. The RNC is taking a bit of shit for their Halloween-themed poll, "Who Is The Scariest Democrat". It's a web thing, chock full of the kind of Halloween imagery and sound effects you find in a cheap strip mall costume shop. Critics say it's stupid, juvenile, and somehow actually manages to lower the level of discourse yet again in the country. And the critics are right.

But the core idea is a solid one. I mean, let's face it. As a leftist, I've been trying to figure out who the scariest Democrat is for YEARS. Not scary to me, of course. Actually scary to Republicans, who are scared by the loss of power, influence, and money. And who are even more terrified of an environment or opponent on whom their usual brand of tactics fail utterly.

I used to think Barack Obama might be the scariest Democrat. He was young, charismatic, idealistic, and capable of making some Midwestern white voters forget he was black. But then he got to the Senate, and has since been the very definition of "all talk, no action". Just this week, when it was revealed that he'd brought on a complete psycho ex-gay singer as part of his campaign's gospel music tour, which is one hell of a fucking sentence to have to write to begin with, he issued a... wait for it, strongly worded statement denouncing the nutjob's views on homosexuality. But Donnie McClurkin is still on the tour. Look him up if you want. Nasty piece of self-hating work, that.

Anyway, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I know there is a Scariest Democrat. One who can play hardball. One who can tell it like it is, and bend the will of his colleagues to follow him. The bad news is, I don't know who the fuck he is. But someone managed to turn this:

"You don't have money to fund the war or children, but you're going to spend it to blow up innocent people if we can get enough kids to grow old enough for you to send to Iraq to get their heads blown off for the president's amusement.President Bush's statements about children's health shouldn't be taken any more seriously than his lies about the war in Iraq. The truth is that Bush just likes to blow things up in Iraq, in the United States, and in Congress. I urge my colleagues to vote to override his veto." - Rep. Pete Stark, D-CA, last week.

Into this:

"On a very serious note, I want to apologize to my colleagues, many of whom I have offended, to the president, his family, to the troops. I apologize for this reason: I think we have serious issues before us, the issue of providing medical care to children, the issue about what we're going to do about a war that we're divided about how to end. I hope that with this apology I will become as insignificant as I should be and that we can return to the issues that do divide us, but that we can resolve in a better fashion." - Rep. Pete Stark, D-CA, yesterday.

Whoever that motherfucker is, he's one scary dude. And if the Democrats ever decide to sic him on a REPUBLICAN, instead of their fellow legislators, they might really have something. If they could make Pete Stark go from vigorously defending his slam on Thursday to tearfully apologizing for his slam on Tuesday, well, that's savvy. That's political firepower. It's also the kind of targeting that makes Patriot missiles look like Robin Hood.

Sure, Stark's comments were perhaps intemperate. I mean, sure, Dubya has spent the last five years chuckling while the troops have been getting their heads blown off, but that's correlation, not necessarily causation. The troops may not be dying FOR his amusement, but rather, just happen to be dying DURING it. But that's hair-splitting, and certainly not enough reason to turn on your own.

Because the narrative that comes out of this is not "Democrats bend rogue over knee, proving their even-tempered, centrist moderation." It's just going to be, once again, "The Democrats apologized." Proving that they can be made to apologize for fucking BREATHING if enough people complain about the noise.