Rick Perry's Botched Clock

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Memo to Kim Davis and friends, Fox News, and Rick Perry: YOU ARE DUMB.

It's been a busy week in the world of Dumb. And sure, I'd be more caught up on stuff if I'd, say, written a column on Thursday, but when circumstances don't allow that, we dig through the very recent current events and crank out a SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

So, Kim Davis is in jail. The religious right has their martyr, even if she had to work really really hard to get up on that cross. She's a shitty, unsympathetic martyr, but they're a bunch of shitty, unsympathetic people, so that's fair.

Mike Huckabee is already on record as saying the "criminalization of Christianity" has begun, which he's been saying for years, but this time, he's sort of right, in that Christians are deciding to be criminals, and if they think they need to do that, fine, but engaging in civil disobedience means accepting the consequences of civil disobedience. The whole point of deliberately breaking laws you think are unjust is so you get attention when you're punished for them, so you don't get to be shocked, SHOCKED, that your contempt for the court has led to contempt of court.


Fox News is currently in the midst of a concerted propaganda effort to label Black Lives Matter a hate group, something that is both important and not important. It's not important because the only people who will believe them are the Fox News audience, who will seize on any shorthand monosyllabic excuse they can find not to listen to the movement, and "hate group" is short and easy for their tiny minds to remember.

But it's important, because this kind of clumsy right-wing jujitsu does two things. First, it attempts to delegitimize one of their political opponents by appropriating things they're accused of (and guilty of) and applying them, incorrectly, to their enemies. But the part that's more effective is the part where they take defined factual terms and, through that same appropriation, turn them into partisan signifier. If Bill O'Reilly can declare that Black Lives Matter is a hate group, what does it even mean to be a hate group anymore? And who does that benefit? Actual hate groups.


And finally, kudos to Rick Perry, who is still a member of the Suicide Squad even though everyone can hear his bomb collar beeping frantically. Hang in there, Rick! Sure, you can't pay anyone and don't have any staff in New Hampshire anymore, but you've still got your glasses!

Of course, the fake smarts the glasses were meant to display are totally gone. Responding to Donald Trump claiming he'd be leaving the race, Perry told Fox News that "a stopped clock is right once a day", and that he was still in the race. Which is impressively dumb, even by Rick Perry standards. Does the stopped clock indicate AM/PM? Is that why it's right one fewer time per day than the aphorism would suggest? And here's a tip for professional politicians. If you want to indicate that someone is wrong, don't use a phrase that means even someone who's wrong a lot can be right about some things. I suppose the upside is that my glee when Perry becomes the first of these losers to wash out is even more imminent than I thought.<

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